rachel swan design

a mama's heart

2012-02-01T10:48:00.000-08:00

I read this amazing story almost two years ago and was touched by Kelle's raw, honest voice and the beautiful photographs of this life-changing moment. Her experience is all about grief and families and numbness and mostly love and facing a new, different kind of life than the one she imagined; it is a story of true human experience. Kelle's story broke my heart in all the right ways, if that makes any sense. It opened my eyes and heart to the strength of women and mothers everywhere, and it showed me how truly beautiful people are made.

This morning I was happy to read her post about little Nella's second birthday and about the people they are today. I needed to be reminded that chaos, fear, uncertainty, and pain are only temporary, fleeting states of being, and that love, courage, families, and truth stay always, sustaining us while we learn to change and accept a bigger and more meaningful version of ourselves.

Kelle also shared this quote that made my heart catch in my throat:

"Awareness born of love is the only force that can bring healing and renewal. Out of our love for another person, we become more willing to let our old identities wither and fall away, and enter a dark night of the soul, so that we may stand naked once more in the presence of the great mystery that lies at the core of our being. This is how love ripens us -by warming us from within, inspiring us to break out of our shell, and lighting our way through the dark passage to new birth."

-John Welwood

Thank you for all of your kind comments and messages during the past few weeks. I can't express to you how important it is to feel connected and supported and heard while sorting out and moving forward with our "new normal". Thank you for allowing me to feel all of those things. XO

words for your weekend + some help needed

2012-01-13T12:43:00.000-08:00

Let's Celebrate
by Mandy Coe

the moments
where nothing happens
The moments
that fill our lives.
Not the field bright with poppies, but
the times you walked, seeing
no leaves, no sky, only one foot
after another.

We are sleeping
(it's not midnight and
there is no dream).
We enter a room - no one is in it.
We run a tap,
queue to buy a stamp.

These are the straw moments
that give substance
to our astonishments;

moments the homesick dream of;
the bereaved, the diagnosed.

These days I spend a lot of time thinking about this concept of the moments before; the moments before tremendous loss or some unforeseen, forever kind of change - the moments before our stories, our lives, are irreversibly altered. One moment we're living our normal, quiet lives - tucking our kids into bed, answering a phone call from a friend, cleaning up from a long, busy day, and the next moment we're staring at impossible, heartbreaking change.

In the past two months our family has experienced a lot of changes. Sela was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes the week before Christmas, and we also learned that our new baby (a girl!) will most likely be born with club feet. Our life looks and feels so very different than it did just a few short weeks ago, and we are all different people than we were in those moments before. As awful as it was to learn of Sela's diagnosis and to spend 3 days in Primary Children's Hospital, there were so many tender, sweet moments that I will never forget. Curling my pregnant body around her tiny body as we shared a hospital bed, I marveled at the strength of her spirit and the bravery and insight she showed during those early, difficult days. Given the chance to better know my daughter and see her ability to accept and do hard, hard things, is a gift - a gift I couldn't have received in any other way.

I think the greatest gift we have is knowing that Sela will live a happy, healthy, and normal life, and that our baby girl will have perfect, fully functioning feet with just a little extra attention, planning, and the right medical care. I saw many families in the time we spent at the hospital whose stories and journeys are far more difficult and lengthy than ours will ever be, fingers crossed.

I guess the reason behind sharing this with all of you is that I am looking for people to talk to about these new changes in our lives. I would love to hear or read real-life stories of babies born with club feet, and to have a chance to talk to moms who have made it through. Also, if any of you know a cute, diabetic, five year-old girl, could you send her our way? Sela is desperate for a diabetes buddy to talk and play with. :)

rebecca stolnit

2011-12-06T20:59:00.000-08:00

This brilliant interview with Rebecca Stolnit has been on my mind for an entire week. The way she breaks down genres, defies labels placed on writers, challenges new writers to be engaged in the interesting and urgent issues of our time, and places importance on the pleasure and elegance of writing, even when discussing gender roles, the environment, culture, and politics, is powerful and encouraging.

I've always wanted to identify myself as a writer, but often struggle with where exactly my words and interests would best fit. Essayist? Novelist? Short story writer? And as much as I enjoy writing about nature, women, and the human experience, I feel an equal pull to address the social and political challenges that surround us today. Can I really be a young mother who enjoys the quiet pleasures of a domestic life, and also a voice for feminism, sustainable agriculture, and immigration? Can my words be both beautiful and powerful? Humane and engaging? Tender and persuasive?

Stolnit gives this example of Henry David Thoreau:

"I think he’s a great example of someone refusing the categories: he thinks about leaves changing color and he also thinks about, and talks about, and cares about, slavery and John Brown and the war on Mexico. In the introductory essay to Storming the Gates I write about the way he’s so insistent that when he got out of jail the morning after that founding act of civil disobedience, he went huckleberrying. It’s an insistence that pleasure and commitment, landscape and politics, the big and the small can and do coexist."

It is possible to do both. The big and the small can and do coexist.

The entire interview is fascinating and full of great insights. I found her thoughts on activism to be particularly moving. If you do read the interview, let me know what you think; I would love to hear your thoughts.

brooklyn, brooklyn take me in

2011-11-28T19:16:00.000-08:00

So, I've spent my entire Thanksgiving weekend watching Woody Allen movies and thinking about NYC; both the city that Allen loves and makes an important character in nearly all his films, and my own experiences in October. I keep waiting for the right words to find me to accurately share what I felt and saw during my trip, but I'm afraid I'll forget all of the special moments (and meals!) while I'm waiting.

Here are the moments I don't want to forget:

- Four hours of turbulence, a flight attendant who thought he was James Brown, and zero sleep is not worth the $40 I saved to take that damn red eye flight. Although, it may be worth the long overdue realization that I'm no longer 17 and I seriously need to start embracing my need for sleep and time (and age) appropriate air travel.

- My sweet Polish taxi driver pressed the tip money I gave him back into my hand and whispered, "For the memories!" as he left me on a dark, rainy corner in Brooklyn.

- I'll never forget walking down Em's block with my head and stomach swimming, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted as I dragged my suitcase behind me. I looked up to see her sleepy face smiling from her apartment doorway. It had been over 7 years since I'd seen her and yet I knew we'd be alright.

- Her apartment is beautiful, smells good, and she made me peppermint tea in a pretty little mug. We're going to be better than alright.

-When someone tells you to go to Hanco's for a Vietnamese sandwich, you do it. Even after you read the ingredient list and have a hard time wrapping your brain around pate and some sort of weird fried Vietnamese ham and pork topped with cilantro and shredded carrots - just get it. Make sure it's with medium spicy sauce and an almond bubble tea, find a crowded table, and proceed to repeatedly tell everyone around you how unbelievably delicious your sandwich is. Oh, and cry a little, because honestly? You just can't help yourself.

- I spent an entire afternoon in the Park Slope Community Bookstore with giant piles of M.F.K. Fisher, Samuel Beckett, and John Updike. Flipping through cookbooks, old childhood favorites, and poetry for hours in a quiet corner of this bookshop felt like a sweet gift, a welcome surprise.

- I found messages of peace tucked in windows, hidden gardens, and on the side of giant skyscrapers.

- Colson's Patisserie has fantastic pear almond tarts and tiny apricot rugelach.

- Prospect Park is beautiful in the rain. I spent a few hours walking around the ponds and riding trails, watching families have picnics and people out walking their dogs.

- When the rain kicked it up a notch, I ducked into a French coffee shop, Couleur Cafe, and spent a few hours eating soup and a croissant, humming along to Johnny Cash and Patsy Cline, and feeling lucky to be in my own life.

- SoHo is a bit overrated and feels like an over-sized, outdoor mall; though I did enjoy browsing Pearl River and bought a few paper balloons for the kids, MUJI for the famous NYC blocks and black pens, and Purl Soho to feel all the gorgeous yarn and take a peek at what projects creative New Yorkers are working on.

- Little Havana is some real good Cuban food, but if I ever make it back I'll probably just order 3 sides of their black beans and die a happy woman.

- Washington Square Park was full of people, street performers, and old men trying to hustle us to play chess.

- While we were walking out of the park it started to pour. Em and I both tried to crouch under my tiny, cheap umbrella as we ran to the closest pastry shop. My jeans were soaked all the way to my knees. We picked out some tiramisu, a fruit tart, a soy latte, and the world's richest hot chocolate, and hid in the back for the better part of the afternoon. We talked about everything and laughed about how easy it was to be together.

- One night we stayed up until 2 am (!?!) gossiping like teenagers, rehashing our lives since high school and the choices we've made that led us to the lives we're currently living, and wondering what the future holds for us next. Twenty-five feels like a big deal for us, we both agreed, but for different reasons. Did I mention that all we had for dinner was really, really good cheese?

- Sometimes it's the weekend and none of the trains are going to Williamsburg, so you have to give up your dreams of the Brooklyn Flea Market. But Katz's is an excellent alternative, especially if you get the pastrami Rueben with fresh pickles and a root beer.

- The only downside to eating 1/4 lb. of pastrami was that when we made it to Chelsea Market I didn't have enough room for a lobster roll from The Lobster Place. I'm still a little sad about it.

- Murray's Bagels is a great place to grab a window seat and watch the Chelsea crowd parade by.

- A late-night mani-pedi was just the thing for my tired, pregnant, blistered feet. It was made forever memorable by the complimentary and hilarious horoscope readings done by the nail tech's best friend. Things got real personal up in there.

- Taking the train to Grand Central Station and having Sunday brunch at Pershing Square is a very fancy thing to do.

- New York Public Library is a beautiful building, and probably my favorite part of Sunday. I was able to see Jack Kerouac's journals and handwriting, Ezra Pound's notes on an original T.S. Eliot poem, and Virginia Woolf's typewriter.

- Eating treats from Magnolia Bakery outside Rockefeller Center is surreal. I kept hoping I'd catch a glimpse of Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy.

- The Metropolitan Museum of Art made me want to read From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler again. Please tell me you read and loved that book as a child too? I ended up getting separated from Emily and Tyler for most of the afternoon, but enjoyed the modern photography exhibits, seeing Georgia O'Keeffe's work in person, and checking out the Greek statuary. I ended up on the roof, resting my feet and enjoying the view of Central Park and the Manhattan skyline until closing time.

- Emily and I wandered around Central Park until dark. We talked about the foresight it takes to preserve and create something so beautiful and necessary, and hoped that our generation would have done the same. We bumped into a Le Pain Quotidien and shared a pain au chocolat. I thought of Bri. All happy memories of farmers markets and pastries, sunshine and new beginnings.

-We ended our evening with a late dinner at Fonda. I almost died over the incredibly spicy and delicious guacamole and devoured my Pork Adobo. Remember when I was a vegetarian? Yeah, me neither. Our dinner was long and full of good conversation - we both couldn't believe everything that had happened in the past 4 days was all because we both have blogs. We decided that this world is a crazy place full of good, solid people, and we just need to keep holding on and reaching out to the people we care about most.

- I spent the last few hours of my trip in Brooklyn. We took the train to Williamsburg and did a little shopping at Catbird and Brook Farm General Store, where I bought a stuffed goose for the new babe. We stopped in a used bookshop on our way back to the subway, and couldn't for the life of us figure out their weird assortment of books. I did manage find a copy of Marilynne Robinson's Housekeeping to take on the flight home, and it felt like a good omen.

- My flight was quiet and uneventful (totally worth the cheap ticket price, I'd like to add), and I had plenty of time for thinking and writing. What I thought about most was the sad email I wrote to Emily in August, telling her about my unexpected pregnancy, the rough months I'd struggled trying to find where I was supposed to fit in my own life, my role as wife and mother, and finding myself doubting everything that had once defined me. Her response was simple and kind, Come to New York. We'll drink bubble tea and look at brownstones. We'll eat really great food and look at beautiful things and have picnics in the park. Come to New York when you are ready. I can't tell you how much that sweet email meant to me, how many times I read her words, or how much I needed someone to offer a way for me to step out of the mess I found myself in. I responded immediately, "How's the 13th?" and bought my tickets the next day.

In the month since I've been home, I've been busy with Halloween costumes, turkey and pie baking, and holiday planning. It seems that I've just jumped head first back into my very busy, very domestic life. But in the quiet moments that I have had to think back and remember my trip to NYC, I always think of it as a deep breath, a small pause, a step back from my everyday life.

Sometimes you just have to get out of town. Sometimes all you have to do is look at pretty things and eat good food and have someone else take care of you for a while. Sometimes you have to take a deep breath, put your life on hold, remember who you are and what really, truly defines you, and let go of all the rest.

housekeeping

2011-10-18T22:16:00.000-07:00

"She did not wish to remember me. She much preferred my simple, ordinary presence, silent and ungainly though I might be. For she could regard me without strong emotion - a familiar shape, a familiar face, a familiar silence. She could forget I was in the room. She could speak to herself, or to someone in her thoughts, with pleasure and animation, even while I sat beside her - this was the measure of our intimacy, that she gave almost no thought to me at all."

Reading Housekeeping by Marilynne Robinson makes my heart ache every single time.

nyc

2011-10-12T17:27:00.000-07:00

-just finished reading just kids by patti smith
-i have a place to crash and a lovely partner in crime
-taking these words as my talisman (thank you, cath. your words make me brave.)
-filling up a happy tote with snacks, new books, and an ipod with old and new favorites at the ready
-watched and loved this documentary
-starting to feel a little anxious about the red eye flight and my oh-so-pregnant body (we'll make it right? right?!)
-still packing...
-a little list of things i must see, but mostly must eat
-wondering how the babes and brian are going to get along - but not too worried

i'm ready. i'm feeling lucky. let's do this thing, kid.

image by Charles W. Chushman via Design Mom

words for your weekend

2011-10-07T11:47:00.000-07:00

When You Come to Love
by Ann Fisher-Wirth

When you come to love,
bring all you have.

Bring the milk in the jug,
the checked cloth on the table -
the conch that sang the sea
when you were small,
and your moonstone rings,
your dream of wolves,
your woven bracelets.

For the key to love is in the fire's nest,
and the riddle of love is the hawk's dropped feather.

Bring every bowl and ewer,
every cup and chalice, jar,
for love will fill them all-

And dazzled with the day,
fold the sunlight in your sheets,
fold the smell of salt and leaves,
of summer, sweat, and roses,
to shake them out when you need them most,

For love is strong as death.

A dear friend sent me this beauty of a poem early in the week, and I've read it every single day. My life is so full of good friends, long talks, laughter, and exciting opportunities these days that I can't help but feel lucky to be surrounded by wonderful, tender people and the love and wholeness they bring into my life.

I'm a lucky girl, indeed.

Thank you for following this funny little space, and for all of your kind messages and comments. Internet bonding is the best, right? Hope your weekend is a long and relaxing one. See you soon. XO

birth in rural nepal

2011-10-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

This beautiful, haunting story of birth in rural Nepal had me in tears this morning. All women need access to skilled birth attendants and support from a community that understands and values the work of pregnancy, labor, birth, and motherhood. Childbirth should not be a death sentence. All images and text by freelance photojournalist Toni Graves. You can also find an interview Toni did as part of NPR's The Baby Project right here.

via the lovey Leigh from Marvelous Kiddo.

words for your weekend

2011-09-30T07:53:00.000-07:00

“From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that we are here for the sake of each other - above all for those upon whose smile and well-being our own happiness depends, and also for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day I realize how much my own outer and inner life is built upon the labors of my fellow men, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.”
-Albert Einstein

Hello, you! Any big plans for the weekend ahead? Brian and I are sneaking down to Zion National Park for a few days of hiking, sleeping, and really, really good fish tacos. I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm the most excited for the hours of uninterrupted sleep. :) Catch you soon, okay? XO

a part of me, apart from me

2011-09-27T22:05:00.000-07:00

You come to me in the early morning hours. When darkness and quiet gather over my sleeping children and the only sound in this stilled house is the door as it clicks gently closed behind Brian on his way to work, you come. I sigh, stretching my sleep-warmed feet out from under my quilt into the new September air pouring through the open window. The skies are dark. The neighbor's sprinklers start. I take a deep breath. I let you in.

You come to me in dreams, in music, in memories, but it is your smell that always comes first; a red currant candle in the winter and pine soap on your bathroom sink. Flashes of rosemary and mint as you distractedly twist your long, dark hair into a neat bun. Buttery pie crusts, apple cider, pastry cream with a splash of orange extract, and black flecks of vanilla bean stirred into soft-white peaks of whipping cream. Olive oil, as you spread your hands across my growing belly, searching for that tiny, quick heartbeat. Clean sheets, sweet smelling pillowcases, and Mrs. Meyers dish soap in your light filled kitchen.

You come to me in the places we loved together. Saturday morning farmer's markets and the homes of new, proud mothers. Countless bakeries and small cafes and bookshops. Downtown Salt Lake City on summer nights. Your pretty little office with the Anthropologie drawer-pulls and glass jars filled with raspberry tea. You perched on that tiny stool and me with my legs tucked under my skirt talking late into the afternoon and early evening. I see you in Southern California for Tess' wedding. When I step out of the car your eyes narrow as you look at my swollen feet, "Pregnant feet. How much water did you drink, Rachel? No, tell me how many ounces, I need to know. Did you pack salty snacks like I told you to? How often did you stop to pee and walk around? How many times did you pee today, Rachel?" And finally, your front yard, warm with a new spring, and you surrounded by the women and mothers who love you for honoring them and celebrating the important work that they and their bodies do. I kiss you on the cheek and hug you tight, my hands full of plates of food for Brian and the kids and Eloise books for Sela. I tell you I'll call you soon to plan our birthday lunch, "Only a few more weeks!" you remind me. Your dark eyes find mine again, so solemn this time. I hug you again, thanking you for the beautiful party and sweet gifts. I cross the street to my car, looking back to see you tenderly folding a new baby into your arms with laughter on your face. As I start the car, I glance across the street once more and say to my friend, "That felt so much like good-bye."

You come to me in hundreds of different ways during those quiet moments. So many memories waiting to be unpacked, unfolded, and carefully brought to the light. But a few mornings ago, one sweet memory came to me so clearly: It was wintertime and we are both curled up on your big blue sofa with a six-month-old baby Graham sleeping between us, his belly softly rising and falling with contented breath. As I watch you trace your finger over his fuzzy, round head, I ask, "Bri, what is your favorite part of your job?" You are quiet as you stoke Graham's cheek, and when your finger brushes close to his mouth and he starts to quietly suckle we both smile. "I think my favorite part is watching the journey and transformation of the woman," you carefully and thoughtfully answer, your fingers wrapping around Graham's chubby fist. "No matter how a woman feels at the beginning of her pregnancy, whether she is excited, overwhelmed, anxious, or devastated, if she is willing to surrender to the processes of pregnancy, labor, and birth, she will become the kind of mother her baby needs her to be and the kind of woman that she needs to be to feel confident and comfortable in her new role. Being able to watch that journey, that process unfold is the very best part of my job."

So here I am, Bri, a few months into my own difficult, unexpected journey. A journey that began with me throwing a positive pregnancy test against my bathroom wall and spending an entire day in my bed cursing God for the vulnerability of woman's body and the quiet, never-ending, ever-changing cycles of our bodies and our lives. "Is there ever a point where a woman's body is her own?" I screamed into my pillow until my throat was raw. I curled my knees into my chest and pulled the blanket over my head and for the very first time realized what losing you really, truly meant.

When I think back to those early weeks and months, I can't help but revisit a conversation we had a few weeks before your accident. We had just finished up lunch and you were anxious to show me your new laptop, "A pretty little distraction," you said with a sad smile, pulling it carefully from its purple, woolen case and placing it on my kitchen table. As you clicked through pictures of a recent birth, we talked about the grief, heartbreak, and disappointment that you had been carrying and sorting through for the past few months, your upcoming move, and your shaky plans for the future. "How am I supposed to move forward and build a life that doesn't include the one person who was always part of my future? How can I actively make decisions that force me to admit that any possibility of our shared life is over, is dead. I don't know how to start over. I don't want to start over."

What wise, inadequate words did I offer you that day, Bri? Because I need them now. I have never done this without you: pregnancy, labor, birth, motherhood. I don't know how to move forward in a life that doesn't include you, and the decisions that force me to admit that you're no longer here and that you're never coming back are the hardest decisions I've ever made. I don't know how to hold onto you in a way that honors your life, your friendship, and your work, but I also don't know how to let go enough to trust someone else, even someone I love and you love, into the space that only you and I once shared.

How do I do this without you?

As much as I cling to the abstract things your death has left behind, the smells and seasons, the light and dreams; the things I need most are solid, tangible things. Things that have weight and substance and purpose. Things that require touch, awareness, and most of all, life. I need gross alfalfa tea in a brown paper sack and four dozen frozen buttermilk biscuits balanced on top of a carefully packed birth kit. I need your tender, skilled hands untangling sweaty hair from my face and smoothing it into a ponytail. I need you quietly sitting beside my bathtub, your calm eyes moving from me to the second hand on your watch, holding the space. I need your laughter as you watch my children run and jump all around you, eager for your attention and love. I need excited messages on my phone about the most delicious pain au chocolate you've ever tasted and long, full conversations about growing, changing, and life.

I need you here, Bri.

Your morning visits have changed of late. The words that come most clearly in those early hours seem to have something to do with surrender, transformation, and the long, soul-stretching journey to becoming the kind of mother and woman I need to be come Spring. There are new words too, words that sound and feel a lot like healing, even if it is a long way off. And I guess that's how I know that you're still here, somewhere, reminding me of the things you've already taught me and of the truths I carry in my own heart.

You still exist. You are still here.

The beautiful, treasured photos are by Alisha Stamper. You can find her blog here.

words for your weekend

2011-08-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

I can't feel you anymore, I can't even touch the books you've read
Every time I crawl past your door, I been wishin' I was somebody else instead
Down the highway, down the tracks, down the road to ecstasy
I followed you beneath the stars, hounded by your memory
And all your ragin' glory

You'll never know the hurt I suffered nor the pain I rise above
And I'll never know the same about you, your holiness or your kind of love
And that makes me feel so sorry

Idiot wind, blowing through the buttons of our coats
Blowing through the letters that we wrote
Idiot wind, blowing through the dust upon our shelves
We're idiots, babe
It's a wonder we can even feed ourselves

-Bob Dylan, "Idiot Wind" from Blood on the Tracks (1975)

No one writes heartbreak and longing better than Mr. Zimmerman. I've had this album on repeat for the past few days, and I'm sure it will continue through the warm weekend ahead.

Happy Friday, you. Hope your weekend is a sweet one. XO

P.S. I'm also loving this "Buckets of Rain" cover.

move, eat, learn

2011-08-04T09:55:00.000-07:00

LEARN from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

"3 guys, 44 days, 11 countries, 18 flights, 38,000 miles, an exploding volcano, 2 cameras, and almost a terabyte of footage...all to turn 3 ambitious linear concepts based on movement, learning, and food into 3 beautiful and hopefully compelling films. "

This series of sweet videos made my morning. I love when creative people make such beautiful things. You can find the other two videos here; I think they'll make you want to shake things up a bit (and maybe regret the leftover grilled cheese sandwich crusts you ate for lunch!).

words for your weekend

2011-07-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

"Meeting a woman anywhere teaches you more about the world than reading Balzac. Whether it be a wife, a woman encountered by happenstance, or a prostitute, she will teach you about the world. In fact, I build my life on meeting women and I have hardly read a book since primary school. I think that all the attractions in life are implied in women."

- Nobuyoshi Araki

Happy weekend, darlings. I hope it's a good one. XO

Photo Credit: Fa by Obragruesa.

a special birthday quilt

2011-07-27T16:30:00.000-07:00

For Graham's birthday I made him a letter quilt, similar to the one I made for Sela a few years back. It's still a little weird for me to talk about quilting here, as I've always considered it to be such an old lady hobby. But maybe the time has come to finally embrace my inner granny and confess that one of my best friends is 85 years old, I get positively giddy over licorice allsorts, I'm in bed by 9:30 pm, and I spend most of my day wearing some variation of a muumuu and talking to old dudes about composting.

Hot, right?

Don't worry, I also know all of the words to Nicki Minaj's Super Bass and have spent an obscene amount of time following all the Laguna peeps from The Hills to The City, but so far I've managed to dodge the Audrina bullet. Don't even get me started on the whole (highly emotional) summer I dedicated to watching Teen Mom, or that I sometimes say hella cool - but only in my head. Promise.

I think I may have just realized why it's so difficult to find friends in my age bracket. Ugh.

This is really getting away from me, isn't it?

Quilting? Right. I love it. I love the whole process of sorting through fabric scraps, piecing, and the hours of handwork. I think my favorite parts of Graham's quilt are the sweet prints I used from my grandma's stash, the extra pieces I added on the inside to make the quilt a bit wider (I didn't do this with Sela's and it is just a bit too narrow now that she's older), and that I paid my neighbor to machine quilt it for me. I love the look of hand quilting, but the thought of sitting under a quilt for 30+ hours in July just seemed insane. Quilting is more a wintertime activity for me, I think.

Graham loves it, and spends a lot of time making little boy forts and hiding out from dinosaurs and pirates. He likes having Sela point out his name and all of the G's, and it has proved to be an excellent road for all of his cars.

Here is the back of the quilt, including the letter:

You can see Sela's quilt here, and it has all of the info for ordering through Spoonflower. Also, I originally found the idea for the letter quilt on Sarah's blog, The Small Object.

graham is two

2011-07-25T19:17:00.000-07:00

Graham turned two a few weeks ago, and we had such a great time celebrating with our family and friends. We met at a neighborhood park with tall shady trees, long grass, and a sweet river that runs right through. It was a fun little party with a table full of all Graham's favorites: Chocolate cake with meringue mushrooms (which I made while thinking of Miss Tess and her baby belly), Dunford donuts, buckets of various woodland/bear themed gummies and snacks, plenty of fruit, excellent cheese, and root beer floats. It was a beautiful evening full of all the people we love most chatting on picnic blankets, chasing after sweaty kids, and laughing late into the night.

Oh, what can I tell you about Graham? He's hilarious and sweet, and always has the best jokes, even if they are usually full of naughty words. He spends most of his time running around our backyard completely naked, playing in the hose and stomping through the sprinklers. He is currently trying to learn how to play his guitar behind his head and balance a spoon on his nose. He loves to sing, dance, and tell ridiculous stories about snakes, spiders, and dinosaurs eating him all up.

He loves big hugs and even bigger kisses, cuddling ALL NIGHT LONG, and whispering funny (and soggy!) secrets in my ear. He's gentle, curious, and easy to please.

He's baby Graham, and he's magic.

The recipe for the yummy mushrooms is found here, and these genius invites by Anna Bond would have perfectly complimented our party theme had they arrived in time. Confusing text messages and hurried emails work well in a pinch though, right?

words for your weekend

2011-07-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

“Often a man wishes to be alone and a girl wishes to be alone too and if they love each other they are jealous of that in each other, but I can truly say we never felt that. We could feel alone when we were together, alone against the others … But we were never lonely and never afraid when we were together. I know that the night is not the same as the day: that all things are different, that the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started. But with Catherine there was almost no difference in the night except that it was an even better time.”

-Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell To Arms

I'm going to spend my weekend hunting down and rereading my copy of A Moveable Feast in honor of Mr. Hemingway's birthday. I love reading about the "Lost Generation" of writers and artists (Fitzgerald and Eliot, in particular) and all of their adventures in Paris during the 20s.

Hope your weekend is wonderful, friends! XO

summertime in the city

2011-07-18T20:34:00.000-07:00

We're soaking up our fair share of sunshine around here. Plenty of picnics, bathing suits, dear friends, and evenings spent exploring our favorite parks.

I really love Salt Lake City in the summertime.

words for your weekend

2011-07-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

The Tallest Man On Earth has been on repeat at our house for weeks; it just sounds and feels like summer to me.

Happy July weekend to you! Hope it's full of sunshine, great food, and the people you love. We're busy trying to pull together a little birthday party for baby Graham. He turns two on Sunday, TWO! I'm so excited. Catch you next week! XO

writing sheds and cabin dreams

2011-07-14T13:52:00.000-07:00

I recently stumbled upon this interesting article about famous writers' small writing sheds and backyard cottages. The one pictured above is Roald Dahl's writing hut, the Gipsy House (the yellow door!). I've always been fascinated by the objects creative people choose to surround themselves with in their most intimate spaces: loose papers tacked to walls, photos of family members, plenty of light, magazine cuttings, comfortable chairs, and bits of nature tucked here and there.

I thought Dahl was fantastically particular about his surroundings:

"The whole of the inside was organised as a place for writing: so the old wing-back chair had part of the back burrowed out to make it more comfortable; he had a sleeping bag that he put his legs in when it was cold and a footstool to rest them on; he had a very characteristic Roald arrangement for a writing table with a bar across the arms of the chair and a cardboard tube that altered the angle of the board on which he wrote. As he didn't want to move from his chair everything was within reach. He wrote on yellow legal paper with his favourite kind of pencils; he started off with a handful of them ready sharpened..." - from The Guardian

I think my favorite is Dylan Thomas' "wordsplashed hut", which was actually a boat house located on a cliff in Laugharne. The walls were covered in lists of rhyming words and alliterations, and magazine clippings of Walt Whitman, W.H. Auden, and William Blake.

I think I'm particularly drawn to these spaces because all I want to do this summer is find a little cabin in the woods somewhere and hide out for a few weeks (or months, if we could swing it). I just want to wander around in the woods for a while, go fishing, swim in a lake, maybe write a bit, and definitely read late into the night. It just sounds nice to get away, hang out together, and be as far away from Wonder Pets and the Fart Piano app (ugh. i can't tell you how much I dislike both of these things, or how much my kids love them) as humanly possible.

What about you? Any big plans or dreams for the summer? Maybe a spare cabin I can borrow for all of August? Yes?

celebratory waffles

2011-07-06T08:01:00.000-07:00

Do you want the recipe for the best waffles ever (as long as you remember to start them the night before)?

Okay, here you go:

3/4 teaspoon yeast
3 cups flour
1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
3/4 teaspoon salt
3 cups milk
12 tablespoons butter (worth it, promise!)
3/4 teaspoon vanilla
3 eggs, separated

Before going to bed, combine dry ingredients in a large bowl. Stir in milk, butter, and vanilla. Cover with plastic wrap and set aside overnight.

In the morning, separate the eggs and stir the yolks into the batter. Beat the whites until they hold soft peaks, and then fold gently into the batter. Pour into a hot waffle maker until brown and crispy. Enjoy with maple syrup.

These waffles are super delicious on the first day, but even better if you freeze the leftovers and toast them throughout the week.

Do you want to know the most thrilling part about these waffles? I recently found an old Toastmaster waffle iron at a yard sale, and it's exactly like the one your grandma had when you were little: really heavy, makes 4 waffles at a time, gets unbelievably hot, and is completely encased in metal. It's like our own personal Cornballer.

This is exactly what every birthday, Father's Day, and Christmas morning sounds like:

HA! I really love Arrested Development.

Photo Credit: Seven Spoons

words for your weekend

2011-06-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

"Be fit for more than the thing you are now doing. Let everyone know that you have a reserve in yourself; that you have more power than you are now using. If you are not too large for the place you occupy, you are too small for it."

-James A. Garfield

Hello, Friday! I'm so happy the weekend is finally here. We are doing a bit of backyard camping tonight, spending time in our garden tomorrow (We have peas! I ate one this morning and it was delicious.), and I'll most likely spend Sunday brainstorming and planning for an exciting new project. I'm still a little too scared to say it out loud, but if i do manage to pull it off it will be awesome. Or it may just deplete my savings account and be a major waste of time and resources - it can go either way at this point! Hope you have a great weekend. XO

Photo via Cup of Jo

going west

2011-06-21T20:41:00.000-07:00

I am a woman born of the West; a Robert Redford kind of girl, if that means anything to you. As a product of pioneers driven by visions, men who wandered deserts at dawn, and unlucky miners and the women who followed them, I understand the visceral language of red rock, mountain ranges, and coastal highways. I seek comfort in space and distance, healing in the wild places of the West.

-An excerpt from my notebook written as we drove across the vast Salt Flats.

Brian and I were able to slip away for a week at the beginning of June to celebrate our anniversary and to catch a bit of rest and healing. We decided on California's central coast: Carmel, Big Sur, and a day trip in San Fransisco.

Carmel is beautiful, walkable, and quiet. We spent days just wandering around the charming neighborhoods, holding hands and talking about what we hoped our future would hold (Brian: registering a personal Scottish coat of arms and an office/library space of his very own. Me: becoming a lady farmer midwife chef who writes about women and travels the world). We spent our evenings searching tide pools and people watching, and then would eventually end up at Dametra Cafe, tucked into a cozy, dark corner surrounded by Italian families and Brazilian women. The food was beautiful, and the owners are warm, generous people. There was a lot of kissing and general all-over touching at the end of each meal, which I loved and Brian tried to politely avoid. What can I say? That boy just doesn't appreciate a good rub down by strange dudes with long, curly hair. I, on the other hand love watching him squirm and always enjoy a good hug and smooch from gorgeous strangers.

We spent a lot of time wandering in and out of shops and art galleries, gathering gifts for the children and admiring the unique architecture of this coastal town. We rode the trolley, enjoyed picnics in the park, and took afternoon naps. It was just so good to be together, to laugh and joke and love each other.

My favorite part of our trip was Big Sur. It has this crazy, dark energy that I've only ever felt in the sleepy fishing villages of Mexico. It is a place for visionaries and poets. It is a place of deep emotion and contradiction:

ancient redwoods. cacti. rivers. ferns. soft beaches. cliffs. hidden canyons.

It is the perfect balance of dark and light, of beauty and brutality. It was here that I found healing.

In the month following Briana's death, I spent my days moving and breathing slowly, conserving energy for the heavy, hard work of grief. I stayed home, processing my loss and withdrawing my trust from life and its brutal processes. I was scared of the dark and terrified of being alone. It would take me the better part of a day to recover from a short car ride. Grief felt exactly like fear in those first few weeks, and I was convinced that everything and everybody I knew and loved would be swept out from under me, regardless of statistics, religious belief, or blind luck. With my fractured faith, sorrow, and betrayal I built a sort of quiet non-life, keeping my children close, reaching for Brian in the early morning hours just to feel the reassuring rhythm of his breath, and searching out old friends, silently pleading for them to stay alive and to find happiness wherever they are.

It was a shaky, difficult time. There were bouts of anger, confusion, and hours of pleading and bargaining for understanding and relief. I felt nothing in the way of reprieve, and it was with a heavy body and soul that I traveled West.

I've always felt an affinity with the artists, poets, and musicians who loved and celebrated the western landscape: Stegner, Guthrie, Kerouac, Williams, Steinbeck, O'Keeffe, Waller, Adams, and Abbey are men and women well acquainted with grief, longing, and sadness, and they each sought the vast, austere quality of the American West to help them understand the complexity of the human experience.

Some of us require the desolate hugeness of the western wilderness to hold and carry our sadness for a while. I think all of us spend our days in search of an outward manifestation of our inner psyches, a vibrational match for our own longing. Big Sur was this for me. As I stretched and scrambled over rocks and trails, I allowed myself to trust in the strength and ability of my body. I found a quiet cliff overlooking the Pacific, and meditated on my greatest fears, deepest sorrows, and biggest regrets, examining each one carefully before laying it before me, and I allowed myself to trust in the strength of my spirit and the complicated, messy stories of our lives.

I now see that loving and knowing another person so completely that you feel pure heartbreak and unspeakable sorrow at having lost them is a beautiful, sacred thing. It is an equally awful and unfair thing, but it has taught me much about my capacity for love and my desire for meaningful connections. It's a startling discovery to learn that we all mean the world to each other, and the only thing that truly matters is how well we love the people who stumble into and out of our crazy lives.

Leaving Big Sur feels kind of like crawling out of the center of the earth, or at least it did for me. I was a bit teary as we traveled north, leaving the darkness, magic, and wildness of Big Sur far behind us.

The last stop of our trip was in San Fransisco, and it was so rainy and miserable that after one hour in the Ferry Building we looked at each other and said, "Let's go home."

And so we did.

words for your weekend

2011-06-17T08:28:00.000-07:00

“I’m not telling you to make the world better, because I don’t think that progress is necessarily part of the package, I’m just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment. And if you ask me why you should bother to do that, I could tell you that the grave’s a fine and private place, but none I think do there embrace. Nor do they sing there, or write, or argue, or see the tidal bore on the Amazon, or touch their children. And that’s what there is to do and get it while you can and good luck at it.”

-Joan Didion

Hello, you! Have any plans for the warm weekend ahead? I'm busy working on a few Father's Day surprises (and pretending that I didn't just realize that it is, in fact, this Sunday. eeps.), and spending some time in the sun with my babes - we'll probably squeeze in a few snow cone runs too. XO

Photo Credit : Jackie Luo
Quote Via: Marvelous Kiddo

summer is good for me

2011-06-16T10:30:00.000-07:00

face paint. cherries. swimming suits. strawberry summer cake. fishing. sprinklers. garden roses. big plans. breakfast on the porch. muddy feet. road trip. little brown faces. snow cones. farmer's market picnic. talking things out. bird watching. a special birth party for a special mama-to-be. playing in the hose. endless questions about the habits of fairies. a visit to the sea. fresh herbs on everything. a weekend with the cousins. water guns. chasing kitties. new books and ideas. sweaty bouquets of wildflowers from quick little hands. long walks. garden planted and (miraculously!) growing.

movement. light. warmth. healing.

Photo Credit : SignePling

words for your weekend

2011-05-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

"Sometimes a kind of glory lights up the mind of a man. It happens to nearly everyone. You can feel it growing or preparing like a fuse burning toward dynamite. It is a feeling in the stomach, a delight of the nerves, of the forearms. The skin tastes the air, and every deep-drawn breath is sweet. Its beginning has the pleasure of a great stretching yawn; it flashes in the brain and the whole world glows outside your eyes. A man may have lived all of his life in the gray, and the land and trees of him dark and somber. The events, even the important ones, may have trooped by faceless and pale. And then - the glory - so that a cricket song sweetens his years, the smell of the earth rises chanting to his nose, and dappling light under a tree blesses his eyes. Then a man pours outward, a torrent of him, and yet he is not diminished. And I guess a man's importance in the world can be measured by the quality and number of his glories. It is a lonely thing but it relates us to the world. It is the mother of all creativeness, and it sets each man separate from all other men."

-John Steinbeck, East of Eden

Sorry of the lack of posts around here, friends. I'm still feeling a little quiet in my heart and everything is just a little bit hazy.

Grief is hard a thing.

In other news, I'm reading East of Eden again and loved this passage so much I had to share it with you today. I also gifted myself Tina Fey's Bossypants for my birthday earlier this week and I can't put it down. So, so funny. Happy weekending to you! I hope you can catch a bit of sunshine and fun! XO

Photo Credit: Weiferd Watts

words for your weekend

2011-05-13T11:27:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday, friends! Hope your weekend is full of warm sunshine, good friends, and even better food. :) I'll see you around next week! XO

Quote spotted on Abbey Goes Design Scouting, but originally from Miss Vu.

the gentlewoman

2011-05-12T07:12:00.000-07:00

" The Gentlewoman is a new biannual style magazine for a new decade. Featuring inspirational, international women, it pairs ambitious journalism with a sartorial and intelligent perspective on fashion that is focused on personal style - the way women actually look, think and dress."

-The Gentlewoman Magazine

How refreshing, right? Especially since the only publications readily available to women in our country are back to back articles on organizational tips, sex tricks, and 30 minute dinners. Women may grace the covers of most magazines, but only if their hair is curled, their neckline low, and their arms and thighs retouched.

I love that The Gentlewoman recognizes and showcases the individual and diverse strengths of women, and allows them to own (and totally rock) their power - not just their physical assets. Having Adele on the cover and the fashion profile for the Spring/Summer issue is perfect, especially considering Adele's views regarding women in the media:

"I love food and hate exercise. I don't have time to work out...I don't want to be on the cover of Playboy or Vogue. I want to be on the cover of Rolling Stone or Q. I'm not a trend-setter...I'm a singer...I'd rather weigh a ton and make an amazing album then look like Nicole Richie and do a shit album. My aim in life is never to be skinny."

Can you imagine a Hearst Corporations, Conde Nast, or even a Martha Stewart publication featuring an artist who is too busy being awesome to care about the current standard of female beauty?

I would love to get my hands of a copy of this issue, the article on Fatima Bhutto, the Pakistani poet and writer, looks really fascinating and beautifully put together:

Quote taken from The Gentlewoman's website. Photos by Alasdair McLellan and Chris Miller.

sela's envelopes

2011-05-11T18:14:00.000-07:00

I was looking through some photos last night getting ready for a new project, and I came across these photos and realized I never shared them when I did the big rainbow party post. I think this is my favorite detail of Sela's birthday party, and I'm so glad I took a picture before addressing the envelopes and sending them out. I want to always remember Sela's sweet, wonky lettering and the true inspiration behind the whole party theme - her funny little rainbow drawings that fill all of her artwork these days.

the new general store

2011-05-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

Tricia Foley's pop-up general stores are so brilliant. I love the whole concept. It would be so fun to put together something like this late in the summer; maybe at our community garden? I could make and sell big linen market totes, fresh veggies and herb bouquets, and some lemon curd and jam.

It would be great to invite local beekeepers, a favorite cafe or bakery, and have a fresh rosemary lemonade stand and homemade ice cream sandwiches. Hmmm....looks like I may have a summer project!

Photos from The New General Store. Please go check out Tricia's website, it's full of gorgeous photos of past events, info on upcoming events, and even her online shop! First spotted on Chelsea's Frolic!

stand with power and move with love

2011-05-05T13:33:00.000-07:00

My friend, Vanessa, shared this beautiful, powerful article earlier today, and I felt it was incredibly fitting for this Mother's Day weekend. The focus isn't necessarily on mothers or motherhood, but about celebrating each other as individual women - which is truly what Mother's Day should be about, right?

"...I realized that the best shot we have of women all over the globe coming into their own health may lie with the whole-hearted celebration of the women around us. If we are to get our loving arms across the land, we must first embrace ourselves and our daughters from a place of education and celebration. The potential for global women’s health rises exponentially if we raise girls who know and understand their own womanhood. Girls who embrace their most basic biology and their highest spiritual selves from a holistic perspective. Girls who are so familiar with womanhood that they will recognize it wherever they travel, regardless of the packaging. Girls who create healthy and meaningful friendships and partnerships with the men in their lives. These are girls who will grow to create a world where all women will have the luxury of celebrating each other."

Encouraging and supporting each other in the many facets of womanhood, and leaving a powerful legacy for the women of tomorrow is what I'll be celebrating this weekend. So, if I happen to bump into you (maybe at The Beehive Bazaar?), don't mind my goofy grin and the big kiss I'm going to plant on your cheek; I'm just glad to know you and have you in my life!

Happy image found on Pinterest, and quote taken from Jodilyn Owen's essay, A Song, a Baby, the Congo, and a Meeting.

words for your weekend

2011-04-29T10:48:00.000-07:00

Briana's Words, Briana's Wisdom from Kate and Neil on Vimeo.

I'm posting this beautiful video of my dear friend Briana today for purely selfish reasons. I love hearing her voice, seeing her smile, and remembering our shared conversations that were so very similar to the ones captured in this video. Hearing her laugh has brought healing to my heart during this long, soul stretching week, and I know I'll be returning to this video again and again just to see my friend's face and to hear her wise words.

Thank you, Kate and Neil, for your inspired work, and for creating and sharing such a wonderful gift with everyone who knows and loves Bri.

sorrow and sweetness

2011-04-25T06:58:00.000-07:00

The errand of angels is given to women;

And this is a gift that, as sisters, we claim;

To do whatsoever is gentle and human,

To cheer and to bless in humanity's name.

My dear friend and cherished midwife, Briana Blackwelder, died in a car accident on Saturday afternoon. My heart is broken as I reflect on a world without her generous, beautiful spirit. Her influence reaches almost every aspect of my day to day life; her blessed hands were the first to touch my children as we welcomed them into this world, she taught me how to breastfeed and how to make caramels, and as I sit in my living room this morning, I can see her laughing on my couch as we ate German pastries just a few short weeks ago.

Briana's passing has brought waves of grief and pain, but I've also felt immeasurable joy and sweetness as I read and hear stories of how her life is woven into the most personal and sacred experiences of the lives of her friends, clients, and family. Her life and her life's work was dedicated to healing, supporting, and empowering women, and I truly believe that she will continue doing this beautiful work where she is now.

There will be a celebration service held in her honor on Wednesday at 7 pm at 951 East 100 South in Salt Lake City and on her birthday, May 6, in California.

The treasured photo is from Sela's birth, taken by my mom. Beautiful words from the hymn, As Sisters in Zion, written by Emily H. Woodmansee.

words for your weekend + happy earth day

2011-04-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

"This is what you shall do: love the earth and sun and animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown, or to any man or number of men; go freely with the powerful uneducated persons and with the young and the mothers of families: read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life: re-examine all you have been told at school or church, or in any books, and dismiss whatever insults your soul; and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body."

-Walt Whitman, from the preface of Leaves of Grass

Happy Earth Day, you! Do you have any big plans for today? Seeing how I spent a good portion of yesterday trying to explain to Sela what exactly the earth is ("Mom, that's a globe! It's not in space, it's on my shelf. Look, I'll just show you where Phillippines is..."), I think it's important that our family does a little something to show some love for our "globe." I'm hoping to plant some peas, carrots, and potatoes in my little corner of the community garden, but I'm worried it's still too muddy out. Maybe we'll just have to make awesome flower crowns instead!

If you're looking for some Earth Day ideas, my yoga teacher + friend, Corena, shared this cool article earlier this week, and I thought it was full of great tips and a lot of useful information.

Oh, and Happy Easter, too! XOXO

Photo Credit : Eric Lafforgue

blog love : my new roots

2011-04-20T19:53:00.000-07:00

Do you follow My New Roots? I found it during a wild night of link clicking and haven't been able to think of anything else! The author, Sarah Britton, is a holistic nutritionist and a vegetarian chef, and her blog is full of gorgeous food, great information, and fantastic photos.

I can't wait to try some of her recipes; first of the list is this Garbanzo Bean Salad With Mexican Mango Dressing, followed closely these delicious looking Raw Brownies she recently posted!

Photo Credit : Sarah Britton for My New Roots

four

2011-04-18T12:47:00.000-07:00

There is something about four that is a bit harder to welcome than three. Maybe it has to do with the fact that there isn't even a whisper of her small baby self left in her now tall, thin body. The dimples on the backs of her hands have vanished, as have the bathing suits with ruffles on the bum and afternoon naps. With four comes underwear with the days of the week printed on the back, dreams of finally turning FIVE and kindergarten next fall, worries that Graham will somehow figure out a way to be older than her someday ("He is pretty sneaky, mom." She tells me when I tuck her in almost every night), and questions about whether or not I'll still be her mom when she has babies of her own.

"Will you be really super old when you're a grandma?"

"Does everyone die someday? Even me? I'll be really old and you'll be really old, right?"

"Mom, why do some people have to sleep under benches?"

"Geez, I wish everything I touched turned into doughnuts!"

"Dad! Dad! Look how pretty I am!"

Oh, four. I sure hope you're gentle with this mama heart of mine. Your questions are already a little harder to answer, the days seem to be passing a little faster than before, and I'm worried that I'll blink and you'll have come and gone forever.

Can I tell you what I love most about my shiny new 4 year old? It also happens to be the thing that drives me absolutely crazy, too (that's always how it happens, right?).

There is now halfway with this girl.

No neutral ground, ever.

It's either wrong or right.

Black or white.

She's either in, or she's out.

She's either happy, or she's not.

She either loves you, or she doesn't.

But if she loves you? Man, she loves you. She will paint pictures of your cats and mail them the very same day. She'll call you as soon as she wakes up to talk about your favorite color. She will learn to write your name and will always include you in her prayers. She will hug you tight and kiss you on the mouth as you walk out the door. And she will never ever hesitate to forgive you if you've failed her in some way.

She loves you all the way, in and around and through everything you are, no matter what, no questions asked.

She's a pretty remarkable, totally ordinary miracle. She's bossy, stubborn, and completely maddening at times, but she's changed my life and changed my heart, both for the better. And you know what? Not a day passes that I don't think how lucky I am to know her, to love her.

Happy Birthday, Sela!

I love you to the moony moon moon.

how are you, friends? well, i hope. things around my house have been CRAZY for the past month, but i hope to be sharing more regularly soon. have a great day, okay? XOXO

words for your weekend

2011-03-04T07:13:00.000-08:00

The Manifesto of Encouragement

Right now:

There are Tibetan Buddhist monks in a temple in the Himalayas endlessly reciting mantras for the cessation of your suffering and for the flourishing of your happiness.

Someone you haven't met yet is already dreaming of adoring you.

Someone is writing a book that you will read in the next two years that will change how you look at life.

Nuns in the Alps are in endless vigil, praying for the Holy Spirit to alight the hearts of all of God's children.

A farmer is looking at his organic crops and whispering, "nourish them."

Someone wants to kiss you, to hold you, to make tea for you. Someone is willing to lend you money, wants to know what your favourite food is, and treat you to a movie. Someone in your orbit has something immensely valuable to give you -- for free.

Something is being invented this year that will change how your generation lives, communicates, heals and passes on.

The next great song is being rehearsed.

Thousands of people are in yoga classes right now intentionally sending light out from their heart chakras and wrapping it around the earth.

Millions of children are assuming that everything is amazing and will always be that way.

Someone is in profound pain, and a few months from now, they'll be thriving like never before. They just can't see it from where they're at.

Someone who is craving to be partnered, to be acknowledged, to ARRIVE, will get precisely what they want -- and even more. And because that gift will be so fantastical in it's reach and sweetness, it will quite magically alter their memory of angsty longing and render it all "So worth the wait."

Someone has recently cracked open their joyous, genuine nature because they did the hard work of hauling years of oppression off of their psyche -- this luminous juju is floating in the ether, and is accessible to you.
Someone just this second wished for world peace, in earnest.

Someone is fighting the fight so that you don't have to.

Some civil servant is making sure that you get your mail, and your garbage is picked up, that the trains are running on time, and that you are generally safe. Someone is dedicating their days to protecting your civil liberties and clean drinking water.

Someone is regaining their sanity. Someone is coming back from the dead. Someone is genuinely forgiving the seemingly unforgivable. Someone is curing the incurable.

You. Me. Some. One. Now.

With the all the moving and shaking in world these days it's so good, and important, to be reminded of all the things that are working out and going right. It's good to know that there are people who believe in peace and the goodness of people. It's good to remember that we are not alone.

Spotted on Leigh's Marvelous Kiddo, originally posted on White Hot Truth and so beautifully written by Danielle LePorte. Image from Alice Yoo's Pinterest.

while i was away...

2011-03-01T20:30:00.000-08:00

I did a bit of special + secret (shhhh!) birthday sewing.

Including this tiny little quilt that has forever changed how I think about quilting.

image

I bought this album and think I definitely get a better cardio workout from my cleaning the living room/dance party routine than I ever did from the boring hours I logged on the treadmill.

"Rumor has it, ooooh,
Rumor has it, ooooh,
Rumor has it, ooooh..."

Don't worry, I totally rock it. Just ask Graham. :)

I've been collaborating with some of my favorite women on this exciting project. I'll dedicate an entire post on International Women's Day, periods, service, sisterhood, and just how awesome I think women are (Superheroes, I'm telling you. Superheroes.), but for now just check out the website and pencil in this amazing opportunity on your calendars.

image from mnmlist via stephmodo

I've been thinking A LOT about this. And this. I think "Fall in love with less" is my new mantra.

I spruced up my entryway and took a super crooked picture of it. You're welcome.

I watched this documentary and dedicated an entire day to cooking French food in honor of this hilarious, heartbreaking, and surprisingly gripping film about French pastry chefs. I cried and cheered and was totally engrossed for the entire two hours. If you are super nerdy like me, please watch this film and then come to my house and we'll make gougères together and discuss men who cry over pastries.

Sounds thrilling, right?

Right.

how are you, dear friends? well, i hope. i'm happy to be back here, filling this space with my random thoughts and interests, though i did enjoy my little break from the interwebs. have a wonderful day, okay? XO

a breather

2011-02-21T19:32:00.000-08:00

image by sara

I feel like the internet is sucking my soul.

I'm going to step back for a bit and take a little breather, but I'll be back soon. Promise. :)

Love,

Rachel

words for your weekend

2011-02-17T19:45:00.000-08:00

"No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anyone but oneself."

-A Room of One's Own, Virgina Woolf

isn't this photo gorgeous? i can't stop looking at it. happy weekend, you. i hope it's full of good things and wonderful people. XO

anna lappé: yoga, food, and activism

2011-02-15T20:02:00.000-08:00

image via green spaces

Earlier today, as I was thumbing through my March issue of Yoga Journal I came across a beautiful and powerful essay by Anna Lappé and was incredibly moved by her words, specifically this excerpt:

"Like yoga, activism is a practice. There are days when you stare setback in the eye. Yesterday you held Handstand; today your legs feel like lead. On those days, I remind myself that sometimes what feels like a setback is really preparation for a big leap forward. And that progress isn't a neat linear path.

"As we align our daily choices with our environmental values, we shift our sense of self. The German physicist Hans-Peter Dürr said that once we understand ecology, we see 'there are no parts; there are only participants.' While our efforts may vary in size and strategy, they're all about shifting our mindset to see ourselves as active participants in shaping the future of food. When we do this, we see our food differently."

And now I've spent the entire evening finding out all there is to know about Anna Lappé; from her books, to her roots (her mother is Frances Lappé, author of Diet For a Small Planet), and even her wonderful blog, which is full of great articles and thought-provoking videos, including this one I found particularly sweet entitled Nourish Means... where you will see many familiar faces (Jamie Oliver, Alice Waters, and Michael Pollan, just to name a few).

Isn't that beautiful? I think everything I truly believe about wholeness, awareness, and community is summarized perfectly in this short clip.

"What nourish means to me, in the really grand sense of the word, is attending to one another in a way that encourages one another to live well."

12 things we love about you : a project

2011-02-13T19:59:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago Brian and I were talking and laughing about all of the crazy things our kids have been saying and doing lately. It seems that cabin fever hit us especially hard this year and to fight the boredom Sela and Graham have been bouncing off of the walls as they play intricate games involving pillow nests, baby chicken-dinosaurs, various forms of midwife/mama-to-be (Graham is always on the verge of giving birth, in case you are wondering), so many costume changes, and endless chattering.

I've been trying to record all of the hilarious things they do and say in my journal, but what I really wanted to do was find a way to pinpoint this exact moment in time. A time when Graham is talking more and more, Sela is growing and learning so quickly, and they are starting to really play together, to rely on each other for entertainment and friendship.

So I decided to put together a little book of sorts, full of recent photos and of things we love about them right now, including funny things they've done in the past few weeks or small moments we want to always remember. I asked the grandparents and Sela and Graham's little cousins what they loved most about them too, and I printed all of the sweet messages on 4x6 cards and loaded them into Noci albums in red from Kolo.

They turned out better than I could have hoped. I got a little teary as I read the small things our parents notice and love about our children, and I laughed out loud when I read the responses from their three year-old cousin, Abby. It's so sweet knowing that my children are cherished and loved by so many wonderful people, and I'm also glad to have a small reminder of this happy, crazy time in our lives tucked into these simple books.

Hope you have a Happy Valentine's Day, friends! XO

words for your weekend

2011-02-11T09:29:00.000-08:00

image via mental stability

First, a poem:

i carry your heart with me
e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

and now my favorite love song of all time:

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright
Bob Dylan

And last of all:

Have a wonderful weekend! I'll see you on Monday with one last Valentine's Day project (are you sick of them yet?), so make sure to check back! XO

handmade valentine's day cards

2011-02-09T21:07:00.000-08:00

For our valentines this year I knew I wanted to do two things, first on the list: pretty lined envelopes. I have always loved the look of envelope liners, but I have never attempted them before because I thought they would be too time consuming or difficult. But then I found this happy floral paper (the design kind of reminds me of Anna Bond's florals for Rifle Paper Co.) and I knew I had to at least give it a try. Luckily, once you create the template (I cut mine out of an old plastic folder) the cutting, folding, and gluing go pretty quickly (especially if you have a bag of Dove's dark chocolate cherry hearts + Netflicks). I'm really happy with how they turned out and I can't wait to try these fabric-lined versions that Chelsea from {frolic!} made for Project Wedding.

The second thing I wanted ~~an excuse to buy~~ to try was Japanese masking tape. I can't believe I've waited so long to buy some! It's super pretty and versatile - I've already used it on a bunch of projects and can't wait to order more colors + patterns. The tape was originally going to play a bigger part in my whole valentine vision, but after finishing the card design I decided to just use a bit to secure the photo (the tape comes off easily + doesn't damage photos, so grandparents can remove + use the photo long after Valentine's Day).

I'm really excited to send these off to our friends and family (Mom, Mary, and Aunt Faye, act really surprised when these arrive on Monday, okay?) tomorrow. I love sending little messages of love to the people who do so much to make my life happy + full. I am truly a lucky girl to be surrounded by such wonderful, generous, and lovely people day in and day out.

Are you making/sending valentines this year? Do you have any special v-day plans? Brian and I are going to this awesome dinner party on Saturday night that my parents are hosting. I'm really looking forward to lots of delicious food and spending the evening with Brian sans kidlets. Yay!

a sweet song for your wednesday afternoon

2011-02-09T13:23:00.000-08:00

Isn't Lisa Hannigan adorable? Hope you're feeling love wherever you are. XO

via natalie

baby mine, our valentine photos

2011-02-07T20:18:00.000-08:00

all photos by my mom, rebecca carter.

words for your weekend

2011-02-04T08:16:00.000-08:00

My Work
By Raymond Carver

I look up and see them starting
down the beach. The young man
is wearing a packboard to carry the baby.
This leaves his hands free
so that he can take one of his wife's hands
in his, and swing his other. Anyone can see
how happy they are. And intimate. How steady.
They are happier than anyone else, and they know it.
Are gladdened by it, and humbled.
They walk to the end of the beach
and out of sight. That's it, I think,
and return to this thing governing
my life. But in a few minutes

they come walking back along the beach.
The only thing different
is that they have changed sides.
He is on the other side of her now,
the ocean side. She is on this side.
But they are still holding hands. Even more
in love, if that's possible. And it is.
Having been there for a long time myself.
Theirs has been a modest walk, fifteen minutes
down the beach, fifteen minutes back.
They've had to pick their way
over some rocks and around huge logs,
tossed up from when the sea ran wild.

They walk quietly, slowly, holding hands.
They know the water is out there
but they're so happy that they ignore it.
The love in their young faces. The surround of it.
Maybe it will last forever. If they are lucky.
and good, and forebearing. And careful. If they
go on loving each other without stint.
Are true to each other—that most of all.
As they will be, of course, as they will be,
as they know they will be.
I go back to my work. My work goes back to me.
A wind picks up out over the water.

the sweetest image ever found on the lil bee. isn't this poem great? i like to think about and believe in the forever kind of love, don't you? hope your weekend is a lovely one, friends. XO

around the house + fighting the doldrums

2011-02-02T20:27:00.000-08:00

Helllooooo, February! Man, was January rough for the Swan household. Lots of sick bodies, teething babies, and a big fat dose of cabin fever for all. I kind of thrive on green and warm and no shoes ever; so, needless to say, my winter heart is feeling a bit weary.

Here are a few things that have brought me a lot of joy lately, maybe you'll find something that will warm your heart too:

-I bought a few new house plants to bring some green to our lives, and I spend many an afternoon with the drapes open wide and the blinds pulled way up watching their leaves follow the sunlight.

-I also found these happy, watercolor-y pillows at Cost Plus a few weeks ago and they kind of remind me of my all time favorite pillows from bluebellgrey ( I really love linen. And pompoms.). They make my heart happy every time I walk into my living room.

- Last week I checked out a big 'ol stack of David Sedaris books, and my out loud belly laughing has kept me nice and warm.

- I bought some new make up about an hour ago and I'm feeling like I just spent the best $25 of my life.

- My yin yoga practice. Deep, slow stretching feels healing and grounding to my restless mind.

- Planning a little project of love for the people I love. I'm working on it today and all I can tell you is that there will be loads of red gingham, a little boy bow tie, and (hopefully!) the cutie pie smiling faces of my babes.

- Too much chocolate and salted butter caramel (Please, please try this recipe. It will change your life.).

Are you feeling the doldrums too? What kind of things help you pull through the long winter? I would love to ~~steal~~ read your ideas. XO

diane rehm : new dietary guidelines from the USDA

2011-02-01T11:23:00.000-08:00

On my way to teach yoga this morning, I caught part of this interview about the new dietary guidelines put out by the USDA. The guidelines were inconsequential, but the panel was fearless, questioning the purpose of the USDA and pointing out the link between government subsidies and processed foods. The questions that came pouring in were smart and direct; it was enough to make my little hippie heart sing.

You can find the entire interview here.

homemade almond milk

2011-02-01T08:08:00.000-08:00

image via instructables

Have you read The China Study by T. Colin Campbell? I just finished reading it last night and it has me all recommitted to cutting dairy + animal products from my diet. My family eats a mostly vegetarian diet, but we tend to use butter and cheese to fill in the gaps and because everything tastes better with a little butter and cheese. :)

I have been buying almond milk off and on for the past 5 years, but the artificial thickeners (gellan gum and sunflower lecithin) that popular brands use creates a weird faux-creamy consistency that I don't find palatable. But, lucky for me, almond milk is easy to make, incredibly delicious, and (naturally!) creamy when made with raw almonds.

Here is the recipe I use:

1 cup of raw almonds, soaked overnight and drained
4 cups of water
1/4 teaspoon of sea salt
1/2 teaspoon of vanilla
a spoonful of honey or agave

Blend almonds, water, salt, vanilla, and honey together for 2 minutes. Pour milk into a nut milk bag* over a large bowl to strain the almond pulp, making sure to squeeze out the last drops. Pour milk into an airtight container and store in your refrigerator.

*you can buy a nut milk bag from health food stores near the spouting supplies, or you can make one easily from hemp or organza.

home birth week : link love

2011-01-28T11:10:00.000-08:00

sweet photo from tthumper via the bean and the bear

Well, here we are, my friends, this is the last post of home birth week. It has been an emotional ride for me as I've opened my most private life (and slightly nudey photos!) for all to see, read, and discuss.

I hope that you were able to feel included and supported, no matter what stage of life you are in or how you've chosen to give birth. The true purpose of this series was to honor the powerful work that women do and to recognize all the different ways we grow and change and sacrifice to bring our families together.

Are you interested in reading more wonderful home birth stories? Here is a list of my favorites from around the web:

Leigh's wonderful blog Marvelous Kiddo is full of touching birth stories (she was kind enough to include mine this week!), including her own.

Ryan and Cole are some of the most awesome people I don't know, and Ryan's post on Tessa's birth is very honest and sweet. You can check out Cole's maternity series on his blog, Pacing the Panic Room.

Lovely Lindsey's story of her brand new Charlie babe had me in tears, as did her heartfelt post on Gavin's birth. Lindsey's mom, Cathy was also her midwife and you can read Charlie's birth from the perspective of a midwife/mama right here.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for following along this week and for being so open minded and kind. It's been great talking to old friends and brand new readers about something that I hold so close to my heart. Hope you all have a lovely weekend, and I'll catch you on Tuesday. XO

home birth week : graham's birth

2011-01-28T07:25:00.000-08:00

I've spent the entire week thinking about what I would post today that hadn't already been covered in some way by all of my previous writings. On Monday I used Sela's story to share how I came to find home birth and to explain typical prenatal/postnatal care with a home birth midwife. Today, I would like to tell you about what I learned with my experience with Diane and what I took away from that relationship to help me better articulate the kind birth I wanted for Graham.

In home birth, as with any kind of birth, it's hard to anticipate what will happen or what kind of things will or won't work for you. For example, I found that during Sela's birth I hated being checked for dilation. It was painful, annoying, and I found it to be discouraging, especially when I didn't progress much (or at all) from the last time she checked. I also knew that for Graham's birth I wanted to stay in the tub to deliver him. Diane didn't feel comfortable delivering babies in the water and had me get out of the tub before Sela was born. In her defense, we had never talked about the possibility of a water birth and I had no idea how much I would rely on the warm water to soothe my laboring body.

When I started meeting with Briana for prenatal visits, we spent a lot of time talking about Sela's birth. Briana was there as the assistant midwife and she is actually the one who 'caught' Sela. It was so great to have her listen to my concerns and to have her offer her insight and solutions to each of my fears. She assured me that as long as things progressed normally there would be no reason to check dilation, that she felt a water birth would be an excellent choice, and that she would be more than happy to help me achieve the kind of birth I wanted.

Just in case you're wondering, having a midwife that is also a close personal friend is really, really awesome. I would send her text messages asking about vaginal twinges and for a lemon curd recipe all in the same message. Our appointments were some of the most healing, honest, and hilarious hours I've spent with another person.

One particular appointment comes to mind, and it had such a profound affect on me that I recorded it in my journal.

Here are the excerpts:

April 22, 2009

All month I've been getting bad news and having bad dreams. So many friends are losing their babies, having traumatic birth experiences, or having children born with unforeseen disabilities. My dreams are dark, terrifying, and leave me faithless and sick with worry. I'm finding it impossible to shake these concerns and feelings, and I have no idea if this is hormone-fueled anxiety or mother's intuition. Am I crazy, or is there something really wrong?

May 12, 2009

Yesterday I met with Briana and I told her everything. I just kept talking and talking and talking about my fears, bad dreams, and everything that has been running through my mind these past few months. She listened. She gave me the space I needed to wring all of the ugliness and darkness from my heart.

When I had finished, she told me a story of a mother who had lost her baby, and she cried. She told me a few stories of complicated births and the skills she used to safely bring mothers and babies together. She told me many more stories of happy, healthy babies born to strong mothers.

She told me truth.

As I left, we hugged and she said, "Rachel, you are a good mom. Just be a mom. Just be the mom you already are."

The quiet confidence she had in me and in her skills as a midwife helped ease my anxiety and I was able to put my fear aside and move forward. The rest of my pregnancy went by quickly as I spent my days chasing a busy toddler and preparing for baby Graham's arrival.

Graham's story is a simple and sweet one, and I don't feel that I can do better than I did in my recordings the morning he was born.

July 17, 2009

Happy Birthday, baby Graham! Your birth was absolutely beautiful. It was peaceful, sweet, and perfect. I spent the evening in our bath tub, holding your dad's hand and thinking of finally meeting you, holding you. Your dad gave me a wonderful blessing before Bri arrived and I held onto those words as I labored through the night. At midnight, I was exhausted and I curled up next to your dad and feel asleep holding his hand and listening to his deep rhythmic breathing. The contractions were still strong, but they felt distant and I was able to allow my mind and body to rest. I woke up at 3:30, ready to have a baby and frustrated that nothing was happening. I was convinced that labor had stalled and I had brought everyone together for a false alarm. I sat on the edge of my bed and offered a quick prayer of gratitude for my body, our family, and you. I also prayed that Sela would sleep well, that you would be born soon, and that you would be healthy and strong. After my prayer, I stood up and my water broke! I woke your dad and climbed into the bath. Briana came quietly into the bathroom and knelt beside the bath tub. I felt your body moved father down into my pelvis and your head crowning. I kept saying, "He's coming! He's coming!" I reached down and felt your tiny, soft head, and I smiled.

And then you were here. You were slimy and warm and absolutely beautiful. I cradled you into my chest and told you how much I love you and how happy I was that you were here safe and sound. You responded with a loud, long cry. You cried and cried and cried while I rocked you and whispered sweet words of love and comfort while your dad held your tiny fist in his hand and Mimi smiled from the doorway.

Thank you, sweet baby, for giving me such a beautiful, life-changing experience.

I love you to the moon,

Mama

home birth week : wife vs. mother: a father's perspective, by Brian Swan

2011-01-27T07:08:00.000-08:00

I have to admit that when Rachel told me she wanted to give birth to Sela at home, I didn't know how to react. I was surprised and concerned. I had always assumed that my life would follow the television cliches of birth; packing an overnight bag, planning a route to the hospital, and rushing out the door in pajamas in the middle of the night. Giving birth anywhere else hadn't ever occurred to me, and there were a couple more people that I was pretty sure had never had that idea either: my parents.

After taking a couple of weeks to wrap my mind around the idea, I approached my parents to drop the homebirth bombshell. In retrospect I can say that I did this much too soon, because I still wasn't sure that it was the best thing for my wife and unborn child. I mentioned that we would be having the baby at home as casually as I could, hoping that it would be accepted before anyone really realized what had been said. I knew my parents had heard, though, when I saw that my mom's eyes were the size of saucers. "I don't think that's a very good idea." she said when she had had a moment to calm down.

I repeated the thing that I had been using to reassure myself, "The hospital is only two miles away."

"If you hadn't been born in a hospital, you would have died!"

I shrugged. It was all I could do. I knew I had been sick when I'd been born and I really didn't have any way to reply to that.

Never one to jump into something without testing the water, my dad asked "How do you feel about it?"

That felt less like a question and more like somebody pulling aside the curtain while I was showering - I suddenly felt very exposed and uncomfortable. Truth was, I didn't know how I felt. I wanted to be supportive but I was scared that something would go wrong and that Rachel and I would forever blame ourselves for having made a decision that led to the loss of our baby. "I don't know," I said quietly.

"I think we're talking to the wrong person, then." Mom said.

"No, let me handle it." I replied.

I left my parents' house feeling like Rachel and I were making the worst decision of our lives and wondering how and if I would be able to put my foot down and insist on a "normal" hospital birth. I thought about what they had said about me being so sick when I was born, and how terrified I was of the same thing happening to our baby. It was much later in the pregnancy that I realized that the only place I could have contracted a disease was in the hospital. I began to wish that I had waited to talk to my parents so that I could have told them that if I hadn't been born in the hospital I wouldn't have died - that I probably wouldn't have ever been sick. I wished that I had been more supportive and trusting of Rachel's decision and known that she wouldn't decide to do something that affected her and our baby without thoroughly researching it and knowing the risks.

But it was too late.

After meeting with our midwife, Diane, I felt much better about the whole idea and was ready to have a homebirth.

My mom never made it that far.

The day finally arrived that Rachel went into labor, and I was surprisingly relaxed as we started putting the plans we'd made into action; I got a bed ready for Diane, hooked a hose up to the hot water in the laundry room so that we could fill the birthing tub, and followed Rachel as she paced around the house, annoyingly offering to get her anything she needed over and over again. I called my parents to tell them that labor had started, and they called a couple of times that night for updates.

Labor took a lot longer than I had thought. I wished that I could help speed things up or at least help Rachel get some rest. I could see that Diane was beginning to worry about Sela and Rachel as she furrowed her brow each time she took Sela's heartbeat. Diane put Rachel on oxygen and said it was time to get out of the tub and start pushing. At that exact instant our front door opened and it was my turn to have saucer-sized eyes; my mom had come to end the "hippy ritual" and get her granddaughter to a hospital.

Luckily, Diane wasn't in the mood to chat and she pointed at my mom and told her that she was helping. My mom helped to support Rachel as Sela was born. She hadn't supported our decision and hadn't been invited, but I was glad she came when she did. I haven't talked to her too much about homebirth since, but I know that she was surprised to see the professional care and personal support that Diane, Briana, and Liz gave to Rachel and Sela. She stayed for an hour or two after the birth to help clean up and took a load of laundry home with her.

The time leading up to Sela's birth was surreal; on the one hand I had a strong and knowledgeable wife and her incredibly supportive family, friends, and midwife, on the other I had the friction and difficulty of winning my parents' respect and support of the decision that we'd made and of convincing myself that it was right. I couldn't have asked for a better resolution. The panic that I felt when my mom burst through our front door had been completely replaced with peace and happiness by the time she took the bundle of wet towels and rags home with her.

It may seem odd that so much of my first child's birth revolved around my mother, but at the time I felt stretched between the scientific logic of my mother and the peaceful decisiveness of my wife. I went into the experience with all of the concerns that my mom had voiced and left it knowing it was exactly what Rachel, Sela, and I needed to do.

Sela's birth did something else; it built upon the feeling of "home" that I felt in that little basement apartment. Every day I would be reminded of Rachel laboring calmly in the birthing tub, of kissing the back of Rachel's neck and whispering in her ear as she pushed, and of seeing Sela's scrunched-up face and hearing her cry for the first time. I would remember all of these things because it happened right there, in our apartment where we lived and laughed and loved every single day.

Had you told me five years ago that I would be such a staunch supporter of homebirth, I would have laughed until I turned blue. But I have since become quite the advocate of homebirth and I don't doubt that most of my coworkers and friends are tired of hearing me blather on about how much more peaceful a homebirth is than in the hospital, how it can be just as safe as a hospital birth, how I recommend they look into birthing centers if they're not sure about a birth at home, and how I push Birthing From Within like it's an old Buick and I'm a used car salesman. I am now convinced that more people need to know that the hospital isn't the only option and that they can have a safe and healthy baby in the peace and comfort of their own home.

Thank you, Brian for sharing such a sweet perspective of our shared story. I feel so lucky to have this guy as my partner in making and bringing our babies into the world. We make a pretty great team, if I do say so myself. :)

home birth week : q & a, part two

2011-01-26T20:57:00.000-08:00

gorgeous image from radio canada via leigh's brilliant tumblr, the bean and the bear.

What is a doula?

A doula is a woman who provides non-medical support and care to a woman in labor. Doulas are trained in different laboring positions to help cope with pain, relaxation techniques, and massage. Doulas also act as advocates for their clients, making sure the woman's wishes + needs are met, acting as a buffer between the medical staff and the mother. Doulas also help encourage the father or partner to be as involved in the birthing process as they feel comfortable, providing information and acting as ally.

How do you feel about having older children present during a home birth?

I have been thinking a lot about this topic recently and I really believe that it depends on the age of the children and the number of adults present at the birth. When I had Graham, Sela had just turned two and was very curious about how the baby was going to come out. I had wanted to try to have her present for the birth, but it just didn't work out. I was too focused on working through contractions and needed Brian's attention and support, so she spent the night at my aunt's house which is right around the corner. When she woke up the next morning, my aunt brought her over just in time for the newborn exam, and I felt it worked out well.

When I was talking to Briana about this topic last week, she said the key to having a successful experience is to have one adult for every child present, not counting the mother or father. I feel this is a great rule of thumb, especially if the labor runs long and the kids are feeling restless or anxious.

I'm hoping with the the next baby my children will be able to watch the birth, as I feel it's important for children to understand that birth is a normal, safe, and important event. Birth is an intense experience, not to mention messy and sometimes loud, but it is also a natural and normal experience, and I think the more exposure we can give our children, the more prepared and confident they will be as they go on and make their own choices.

What kind of pain management did you use?

I've never taken any childbirth classes or used any specific method to help me cope with the pain of labor, so I can't really vouch for any program specifically.

Here are the three things that helped me the most:

1) Yoga. I started practicing yoga regularly just months before I found out I was pregnant with Sela and continued my practice through both pregnancies. In yoga you are constantly using breath and meditation to help cope with physical discomfort and negative, discouraging thoughts. You learn to breathe through anything and to focus on letting go and embrace the experience for what it is. I used deep yoga breathing and even yoga poses to help me work through the contractions. It really helped my to accept the contractions and to stop fighting against the important and necessary work they do by recognizing and saying to myself, "This is me. This is just my body giving birth. This is me."

2) Education. The more I know, the less I fear. I read (and continue to to read!) stacks and stacks of books, articles, and studies on childbirth. I watched videos of home births and talked to midwives, mothers, and doctors about the stages of birth and what to expect. I knew that with a home birth there is no option for a medicated birth, and so I made sure I was prepared long before labor began.

3) Support. I truly believe you can accomplish anything if you are surrounded by people who love you and are fully invested in supporting you through the journey of natural childbirth. It still brings tears to my eyes when I think of the tender hands and hearts that served me so tirelessly during the birth of my children. I can still remember the gentle words of encouragement whispered at the moment I thought I could go no further, "Rachel, you are doing a beautiful job. You are strong, even stronger than you know. Let's have a baby."

Ultimately, my support system gave me something I never could have achieved on my own: the beautiful, powerful and sacred experiences of bringing my children into the world on my own terms and in my own way.They made it all possible and then turned around and showered me with praise and love, giving me all the credit for something that I could have never, ever done alone.

home birth week : q & a, part one

2011-01-26T06:13:00.000-08:00

super sweet belly picture by the lovely andrea of hula seventy

What made you choose home birth?

There are a lot of different factors that went into my choice, many of which I shared on Monday. My initial decision was based on my desire to create a positive, safe birth experience for me and my family, and I felt that in order to have control over my environment and body, I had to be in my own home.

I have spent countless hours reading and researching home birth, not to justify the choices I've made, but because I truly believe that women have a right to know what their options are and the benefits and risks involved in whatever birth they choose.

Did you know that the United States is ranked 33rd for infant mortality? It is safer to give birth in Cuba, Singapore, and Slovenia than it is to give birth in the United States. Doesn't that seem impossible? We have a country full of shiny clean hospitals that are staffed with trained medical professionals, AND we pay more for the care we receive than anywhere else in the world, yet somehow we are failing to keep mothers and babies safe.

When I was pregnant with Sela the cesarean rate for first time mothers was 38% at my local hospital and the national rate was 30.8%. These numbers are a result of a cycle of interventions that can be absolutely unnecessary and can make it impossible for a woman to feel in control of what is happening to her body.

I'm sure we have all heard groups of women talking about induction dates and how their doctors won't let them go past a certain date before they will induce labor. I have heard of doctors who have induced women because of upcoming holidays, family vacations, and even because it is just more convenient for the doctor if their patients give birth in the early afternoon.

Once labor is induced artificially through the use of pitocin, a synthetic form of oxytocin, your body can no longer regulate labor normally. Oxytocin is released in bursts, causing normal contractions to be irregular as labor begins, but makes it easier for women to rest between the contractions and handle the intensity of labor as it progresses. Oxytocin not only causes uterine contractions, but also sends a signal to your brain to release endorphins and adrenalin to help you cope with the intensity and pain of labor. Pitocin-induced contractions are stronger and typically closer together, causing a decrease of uterine blood flow which reduces the amount of oxygen the baby is getting. There is a decrease of uterine blood flow with natural contractions as well, but the duration and strength of the contractions are much shorter and the natural breaks between contractions protect the baby.

Because of these risks, all women who are given pitocin are also hooked up to a fetal monitor which greatly limits their movement, usually confining them to a hospital bed. When you couple painful artificial contractions with the inability to move freely to cope with the pain, it is easily understandable why many women choose to have an epidural.

Once women have been given an epidural and can no longer feel the pain of labor, their bodies stop producing oxytocin and the natural contractions slow down dramatically. This is when the doses of pitocin are increased, causing fetal distress and increasing the likelihood of a previously unnecessary c-section.

I know this isn't everyone's story and the last thing I want to do is give an inaccurate template for hospital birth. Babies are born in many different ways, and no woman has ever taken the easy way out when it comes to bringing babies into this world. I also know that pitocin and cesarean sections are important life-saving tools and I'm grateful for modern medicine and the knowledge and skill of obstetricians. I do, however, know many women who can call this story their own, and I have watched as they have processed these experiences that left them feeling confused, violated, and uninformed.

I could go on and on about why I made the choice I did, but all I can really tell you is that I know home birth with a trained, certified midwife to be a safe and beautiful experience, and was absolutely the right choice for my family.

What about circumcision?

Brian and I made the decision not to circumcise Graham, so I don't have first hand experience with this topic. However, I know you can make an appointment at the hospital and have the circumcision performed there in the days following the birth.

What are your thoughts on water birth?

I love it! I spent a lot of time in water during both of my labors, and I gave birth to Graham in my bath tub. I personally find the warm water to be very soothing and an effective tool in pain management.

How much does a home birth cost and does insurance cover any of the costs?

A home birth costs anywhere from 2-5k, depending on where you live or what your midwife offers in her practice. Many insurance companies will cover a portion of the costs, or even have a list of approved midwives they work with.

When is a good time to cut the cord?

I don't think there is any hard and fast rule on this. In hospital births, the cord is cut very quickly after birth, usually just seconds after the baby is born. I know some midwives wait until the cord has stopped pulsating, which signifies that the placenta is no longer sending blood to the baby. We waited about 2 hours after Graham's birth before we cut the cord (the placenta had been delivered intact just a few minutes after he was born) so he could benefit from the extra iron stores in the cord blood.

And that's all I've got for you today, kids! I'll post the rest of the q & a tomorrow, so make sure to check back. How is home birth week going for you guys? I'm completely overwhelmed by the kindness + positive feedback from all of you! Women are the best! Hope your Wednesday is awesome and I'll see you tomorrow! xoxoxox

home birth week : an interview with briana blackwelder, a midwife

2011-01-24T21:00:00.000-08:00

Can you explain exactly what a home birth midwife is and what you do?

A homebirth midwife is a maternity care provider that works with women and their families during pregnancy and postpartum to achieve the healthiest outcomes possible and to give birth in context of their lives. Usually this means that the woman labors and gives birth surrounded by her support people of choice (friends + family) in the place that is most familiar and comfortable to her, usually her home. A midwife is also someone that has lots of experience attending births and helping women to labor naturally, and a midwife has an abiding belief in the power of women to give birth to their children and to become mothers in the way that's right for them.

Summarizing what I do is pretty difficult, but I'll try to be brief. I provide nine months of prenatal care and even pre-pregnancy counseling. I come to the client's home when she is in labor and help to 'set the stage' for a peaceful birth as well as monitoring all physical conditions of mother and baby. I call another midwife or apprentice once labor is well underway, and I assist the mother to give birth and attend to her and her baby's well-being, ensuring a safe passage from pregnancy to postpartum. I stay for several hours after the birth to make sure everyone is stable and clean up the house. I visit the woman after she's given birth in her home on the first and third days postpartum, and we see each other for 6-8 weeks or until she is 'back to normal'.

How does it differ from a OB/patient relationship and birth in a hospital setting?

Care during pregnancy is entirely individualized to each woman and may include all testing that would be done through a typical obstetrician, or an entirely technology-free pregnancy if the mother so desires. Our appointments can last hours and a relationship of trust and friendship is built over the 9+ months. The focus of the pregnancy and birth is not merely on the physical, it's also about facilitating the developmental stage of life that motherhood is. We don't really have a place in our society to even discuss that transition, it seems many women are focused on diaper bags and strollers. I have watched many women and their husbands/partners become closer, better communicators, more at ease with their roles and relationships, and surrender to the changes inevitable in life. This is often the most important part of giving birth, and all the emotional preparation for that transformative moment can help parents experience birth for what it ultimately can be.

What are three things about your job that bring you joy and fulfillment?

Participating in the creation of families is truly joyous, it is one of the most exalting things we can do as people. Being a witness to women at their most powerful, getting to watch them learn that surrender can be their greatest strength, seeing them finally 'get it', feeling like I've actually made a difference in people's lives, and seeing women leave my office happier or at least with a better appreciation of life's processes. I love helping women through especially difficult births, ones that I know wouldn't have happened in a hospital or even with another midwife, getting to do that for them and give them the credit is the most fulfilling thing I can imagine.

What kind of education, training, and skills are required to practice midwifery?

Requirements differ from state to state and in different countries, but I completed a 4-year program and apprenticed with several midwives. The skills required for the credential I carry (the CPM, certified professional midwife) are standardized by the North American Registry of Midwives and include everything needed for basic midwifery practice and well-woman care. I also had to complete a test after I met all of the training requirements in order to receive the CPM certification. Every 3 years, to renew my credential, I must do continuing education, participate in peer review, and keep skills up to date.

What kind of services do you offer women in your care and what are the costs involved?

A homebirth roughly costs anywhere from 2-5k depending on where you live. I charge $3000 and that includes a mid-pregnancy ultrasound, all lab work, birth kit with disposable supplies used at the birth (cord band, chux pads, peri bottle, all sorts of clean-up supplies, etc.) and a waterbirth tub & setup. I also include some really good prenatal vitamins from New Chapter, as well as commonly helpful herbs and other supplements as needed. I have a lending library at my office with books on everything from preconception to parenting, which my clients have access to during the course of their care. Prenatal care is the same schedule as an OB; visits every 4 weeks until the third trimester, then every 2 weeks, then every week the last month. When women go beyond 40 weeks, we see each other quite often, sometimes every other day. Usually there are at least 3 home visits aside from the birth (around 36 weeks, 24-hours postpartum, and 3 days postpartum) any other additional visits are also included as needed. I'm available by phone anytime day or night for 6 weeks surrounding the woman's due date, and before and after those weeks, I'm still quite available although I don't make any promises. Basically it's a killer deal. One local midwife's accountant calculated that she made about $1.25 per hour (not including recovery time). Having a midwife is luxurious!

What are the three hardest aspects of your job?

The schedule: long hours, being on call, not being able to leave town within 6 weeks of someone's due date. Feeling emotionally drained from doing lots of deep processing with women; hearing their concerns, griefs and worries. Bad outcomes, which affect me as much as the parents sometimes.

What are your personal beliefs regarding women and their bodies and birth?

Women are designed to do this work; and, although it is work, it can be the most fulfilling

accomplishment in a woman's life to grow a baby and give birth to her child. There is a belief that women's bodies are broken, that our physiologic norms are an inconvenience, that we need technology and medicine to give birth, and that aesthetic standards are the greatest thing that we can achieve with our bodies. I believe that feeling wonderful in our own skin and allowing our bodies to take the shape of a mother, to grow heavy with new life, gives us a far richer experience of what it means to be female. To accomplish the greatest human feat imaginable, reproducing another person, is a life-affirming achievement unique to women.

Do you have any recommendations (articles, books, documentaries, etc...) for women who would like to learn more about home birth?

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin (information and stories)

Pushed Birth by Jennifer Block (exposition of birth in the US today)

Birthing From Within by Pam England (preparation for a conscious birth)

Baby Catcher by Peggy Vincent (full of stories)

http://www.mothersnaturally.org/index.html

(the articles under the resources section are very good)
http://www.childbirthconnection.org/

{the sidebars are full of great information}

The Business of Being Born (on netflicks)

Birth Into Being-Russian Waterbirth Experience (also updated version Birth As We Know It)

The Other Side of the Glass (birth experiences and effects on fathers and babies)

You can find Briana's website for her practice, Fern Midwifery, here. She also has a blog that is full of sweet photos of new brand new babies and interesting articles, which you can read right here.

Thank you, thank you, Briana! You are such a wonderful friend and midwife, my life is truly better because I know you.

XO Rachel

home birth week : sela's birth

2011-01-24T07:44:00.000-08:00

Welcome to home birth week, dear friends! I'm so excited to open my blog for this discussion. Birth is such a powerful experience for women and I'm looking forward to hearing your stories + sharing my own.

I do, however, have one small request before we begin. How women choose to give birth is such a deeply personal decision that I ask all of you to be respectful + kind in any of the comments you leave here, and I will also honor that request in all that I share with you during this week.

To kick off home birth week, I thought I would share the story of Sela's birth, since that is truly where my home birth experience begins, and I will end the week with the story of Graham's sweet birth.

I found out I was pregnant with Sela in August of 2006. I was 20 years old and had only been married since the beginning of June. Both Brian and I were completely shocked, to say the least, that we were going to be parents. Every evening we would sit on our small couch in our small apartment talking and planning for our future that suddenly included the tiny little person that we had created.

Up to this point in my life, I had never imagined how I would give birth. My only experience with birth was watching my little sister, Sophie, being born when I was 11. My mom gave birth in a hospital, and it was pretty quick and uneventful. I remember my dad holding her hand, rubbing her back, and speaking quietly in her ear. The doctor poked his head in a few times, checked dilation, and finally showed up right before Sophie was born. There were beeping machines, a television was on in the background, and a nurse brought me milkshakes. I remember watching in awe as Sophie's body emerged from my mother's, and wondered why the nurses took her so quickly away for weighing and measuring and washing. When they finally brought her back, all wrapped in a brand new blanket, I was the first to hold her.

My first and only experience with birth wasn't a negative one, although it is very different from what I eventually chose for myself. The doctor seemed kind, the nurses were helpful, and of course my dad was there to give support and love. When I picture my mother in labor, I see her sitting in the hospital bed in quiet discomfort, her eyes focusing intently on her round stomach. It is then that she makes an offhand comment that changes how I think and feel and envision birth for myself, a comment that I've carried with me for 14 years:

"It makes more sense to stand, I think. I feel like I'm pushing against gravity when I'm laying down here."

I doubt she even remembers saying this, but it shifted something inside of me. It made it possible for me picture a different birth.

When I found out I was pregnant with Sela I was working as a wellness counselor at Good Earth, a local health food store. I worked closely with a group of women who had recently finished their doula training and had worked with women who had given birth at home. We spent a lot of time talking about birth, all of the different ways that women support other women through the birthing process, and how important it is to have a support system in place in order to have the birth you want.

One of the women, my dear friend Vanessa, was pregnant with her first child and planning a home birth. I think I probably made her crazy with all of my questions during those first months, but she always answered my questions in such a positive and confident way. She knew the kind of birth she wanted and she was making it happen. A few weeks before she gave birth, she invited me to a birth party that was being held to honor her transition into motherhood. It was such an amazing night. I remember how much love and support and laughter filled V's home, and felt such a strong sense of sisterhood with those women who believed in a woman's ability to give birth however she chose.

When I went home that night, I had made up my mind; I wanted a home birth. I wanted to be in my own home, making decisions about my own body, and surrounded by people who believed in me.

Brian and I interviewed a few different midwives, but felt the most comfortable with Diane. We met with her at her home on a warm August afternoon, she was in the middle of a family reunion and her backyard was full of grandchildren. She asked us questions regarding our medical history, what kind of birth I wanted, and shared her credentials. She had delivered over 3,000 babies and had 30 years of experience. She started the midwifery college in Utah. She was confident and knowledgeable, answering all of our questions easily, and we knew that many midwives called Diane during long or complicated births for help and advice. She laughed easily and seemed to be more like an eccentric grandmother than a medical professional.

I started visiting with her at about 8 weeks. She lived 25 minutes from my home and I would drive to her house once a month for prenatal visits. She had a quiet room in her basement that she used as her office. When I arrived she would test my urine and I would weigh myself. Then we would go into her office + I would sit on the comfortable bed with a bright quilt while she took my blood pressure and we talked about what had happened in the past month. She would measure my growing stomach + listen to heart sounds. My visits lasted about 45 minutes and I felt comfortable talking to her about my changing body, the fears I had about labor, and the worry I had about being a young mother. I would usually leave with a list of herbs or supplements she felt would help prevent anemia, heartburn, and nervousness.

Around my 37th week of pregnancy, Diane came to my apartment for my prenatal appointments. This is common for home birth midwives, they like to know how to get to your house + become familiar with your home before you go into labor. She stayed about 2 hours and we talked about where we would put the birthing tub, how many people would be present, and where Diane could go once labor started so she wouldn't feel in the way.

On April 2, I woke up early with contractions. They were mild and erratic, but I felt that I should call Diane anyway. She told me she would be by at 2:00 to do an exam, but to call her if anything changed. I spent the morning pacing my living room, talking to my mom on the phone, and chatting anxiously with Brian. When Diane came, the contractions were coming every 5- 7 minutes, so Diane checked me and I was dilated to a 2. She said she had a few errands to run, but that she would be back at 5:00 or so, and to keep in touch with her during the next few hours.

Things continued to progress slowly, and by 5:00 I was feeling pretty uncomfortable. I had called my doula, Liz, my mom, and Briana who would be the assistant midwife. Everyone showed up around 6:00, and we spent the evening laughing together and working through contractions. I always had someone holding my hand or applying counter pressure to my hips. We all tried getting some sleep around 9:00, I curled up on the couch with a hot pad but couldn't get comfortable enough to rest. I was up and down, pacing the living room and leaning on Liz or Brian for support. At midnight, I was desperate to get into the birthing tub. So we filled it with hot water and I settled in, finally being able to fully relax my tired body. I floated in and out of sleep during those early morning hours, my body feeling weightless in the dark water. Liz was there to hold my hand and breath through each contraction with me. Diane put herbs in the bath that turned the water pink, and we joked how it almost felt like a spa. Around 6:00 AM Diane was worried that things weren't progressing and made the decision to break my water. After my water broke, things started to get serious. My contractions were getting more and more intense every minute and they were coming quickly, almost one on top of the other. I couldn't believe that my body could do anything so powerful. I remember Liz pressing on my hips and whispering gentle words to help me focus. She was breathing with me and talking to me and holding my hands when the contraction would finally pass.

It was during that time that I had a lot of thoughts about hospitals and c-sections. I just wanted the intensity to be over and I wanted it over RIGHT NOW. Brian was pressing a cold pack to my forehead and I grabbed it from his hand and threw it on the ground. I wasn't very happy and I was close to giving up. Maybe Diane could read my thoughts, because she had me get out of the tub, checked me, and said it was time to push. I was so exhausted. I pushed and pushed and pushed with Brian standing behind me, supporting me, and whispering in my ear, " Bring Sela home. You're amazing. Bring Sela home." And then with one big push and a big loud yell she was here. And just like that the pain, the intensity, everything was gone. Briana lifted her to me, and I held her slippery body close to mine. I closed my eyes and said, " I would do that again. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I would do it all again."

Everything after that moment is a little hazy. I know Brian cut the umbilical cord, and I handed Sela to my mom and sister so I could go and have Diane make sure everything was alright with me. I know there were apgar tests, and people with food, and an army of people cleaning up. I needed a few stitches and after I was all squared away, my mom brought Sela back to me. Everyone crowded in our small bedroom while Diane weighed and measured Sela. She listened to her lungs and heart, looked at her fingers and toes, and deemed her absolutely perfect. There were so many loving and excited faces watching me and my new daughter as Briana showed me how to breastfeed. I think there was actual cheering when Sela finally latched on! I spent the rest of the morning talking excitedly with family members and friends, telling them all about the amazing experience that had happened in my living room, and the wonderful, selfless women who supported me through those long, difficult hours.

There is absolutely nothing that compares to the feelings I had after giving birth to Sela. It is something that has defined me not only as a mother, but as a woman. I chose a path that taught me about the strength, power, and wisdom of women's bodies, and I will always be grateful for the opportunity I was given to bring Sela into this world surrounded and supported by women who believed not only in me, but in her too.

words for your weekend

2011-01-21T07:24:00.000-08:00

"A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

-Ronald Dahl

happy image by garance via simple lovely. now, this pretty lady obviously doesn't have a wonky nose or double chin, but her smile is so infectious I just had to share. hope your weekend is a happy one, friends! xoxoxo

let's talk about home birth

2011-01-20T07:59:00.000-08:00

Did you know that I get more questions about home birth than anything else on this little blog? I get emails and comments full of questions about my personal experiences, epidurals + c-sections, the midwifery model of care, and it seems lots of people are wondering if I am absolutely out of my mind.

So I've decided to dedicate all of next week to everything home birth! Would you be willing to help me a little bit? I want to make sure I'm covering material that you will find interesting and will be relevant to you + the questions/concerns you have about the home birth experience.

Would you be willing to answer any or all of these questions? You can either comment on this post or send an email (rachelswandesign{at}gmail{dot}com). If you would like to remain anonymous, I will be allowing anonymous comments on this post.

Do you have any questions you would like me to address next week?
Is there any specific topic you would like to discuss?
Would you be interested in hearing personal experiences of women who have had a home birth?
What is it that interests you the most about home birth?
What kind of fears to you have about home birth?
Have you had a home birth + would like to share your experience?

Thank you in advance for all of your help! I'm really looking forward to next week, I think this is going to be fun!

image by my mom, taken just seconds after sela was born. how cute is her wrinkly old man face? i can't believe she was ever that tiny!

thrifted : cowboy shirt

2011-01-19T10:48:00.000-08:00

I found this awesome vintage cowboy shirt for Graham this past weekend, and I can't even tell you how much I love it (and how much Brian does not love it). He looks especially adorable when he wears it with no pants, red moccasins, and his chubby legs. Baby boys are the best.

We have family pictures coming up soon + I've been busy gathering sweet little clothes for my babes to wear, and I think this will be perfect for our Valentine theme. I love sending Valentines to our family + friends instead of Christmas cards, mainly because I have more time in January to pull everything together, but also because I just think it's a sweet tradition.

I'll post the photos + finished Valentines after I finish them up + send them out, so be sure to check back!

Hope you're having a happy Wednesday, friends! xoxoxo

gold coin necklace

2011-01-18T13:12:00.000-08:00

I'm dying over the new gold coin necklaces from EmersonMade, I think the lion is my favorite. The Latin phrase encircling this little lion is "Confidence, Courage, Nobility of Soul." Isn't that a perfect reminder to have hanging around your neck?

persistence

2011-01-18T07:02:00.000-08:00

This video by Ira Glass on persistence + creative work is incredibly honest, funny, and refreshing. I often think that talent and skill come naturally to most people, and take for granted the amount of time and work goes into a successful, creative life.

"...most everybody I know who does interesting, creative work, they went through a phase of years where they had really good taste and they could tell what they were making wasn't as good as they wanted it to be."

"It takes a while ...you just have to fight your way through that. You will be fierce, you will be a warrior, and you will make things that aren't as good as you know in your heart that you want them to be, and you'll just make one after another."

It's awesome, and kind of reminds me of Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hour theory, where he claims that the key to success in any field is a matter of practicing a specific task for 10,000 (!!!) hours. The difference between the good and the great isn't necessarily skill, talent, or opportunity - just persistence and a whole lot of work.

video via nicole's making it lovely.

words for your weekend

2011-01-14T07:11:00.000-08:00

Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I'll tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

gorgeous photo via baubau haus. isn't it a lovely poem? i have it pinned up in my kitchen so i can read it when i need it, and i definitely need it after the week i've had. my house is filled with sick bodies + a little guy getting molars. little sleep and little help mean very little patience, and i'm just ready to have my happy, healthy family back. hope your weekend is an awesome one, friends! catch you next week! xoxoxo

rachel swan design goes tumblr

2011-01-11T17:13:00.000-08:00

Come check it out! It's filled with my favorite cozy images + interesting quotes from around the web, and it's an awful lot of fun to put together.

Do you want to come along for the ride? You can take a peek right here.

image via the excellent mountain musing.

little miss midwife

2011-01-10T20:18:00.000-08:00

As I've mentioned before (here and here), I have my babies at home. The prenatal visits with a home birth midwife can be a bit different than with an obgyn. They are often longer, more personal, not as invasive, and usually include the older siblings in the exam to help them feel part of the experience.Sela loves my midwife Briana and always looked forward to coming to my prenatal appointments when I was pregnant with baby Graham. She loved watching Bri measure my growing belly, listen to heart sounds, take my temperature + blood pressure, and fill out my chart. It was not only fun to see how interested Sela was in all of Bri's instruments, but it was important to me that she witness the knowledgeable, skilled, and tender practices of midwifery + how women support other women in birth.

For the past few months, Sela has been talking a lot about doctors and midwives and babies. Her baby dolls are usually found tucked up under her shirt covered in band aids, and we have this conversation a few times a week:

Sela: "Ummm...are you going to have a baby soon?"
Me: "Not anytime soon, lovey."
Sela: "Are you sure? Your tummy looks like..."
Me: "Don't even say it..."
Sela :"...a ball!"
Me, putting the jar of Nutella away and mumbling something about never missing a yoga class again.
Sela: " Don't worry mama, I'll be your midwife!"

So for Christmas, I put together a midwife kit for Sela (you know, just in case my ballish tummy turns out to be baby after all. JUST KIDDING.), and it was a huge hit. I'm a big believer in giving kids real tools, not plastic toy imitations, for play. I think it helps them understand better the world around them, enriches their play experiences, and makes them feel special to be trusted with important + real tools.

Here are a few things I tucked into her kit + the sources, if you are interested in making your own midwife or doctor's kit :

1. Stethoscope :: AllHeart $6 :: I loved all of of the color options.
2. Digital Thermometer :: Walmart $3
3. Measuring Tape :: Hobby Lobby $2
4. Midwife Clip :: I made it out of wool felt, embroidery thread, a clip, and hot glue
5. Penlight :: AllHeart $3
6. Reflex Hammer :: AllHeart $5 :: This isn't a tool that midwives have, but I thought it would be a fun addition.
7. Oral Syringes :: Walmart $1 :: Sela uses these to give shots. Again, not really something a midwife uses, but something Sela has a lot of questions about + has fun using on all of us.
8. Blood Pressure Cuff :: Amazon $11 :: This is a pediatric model, so it's perfect for little kids. It's fun to watch her figure out how to put it on + watch the dial as the cuff puffs up with air.

Not pictured:
Tube of "prenatal vitamins" : cherry tic tacs
Appointment cards my sister-in-law made that Sela loved so much she used them all the first day
Various wraps, gauze pads, and way too many Hello Kitty band aids.
Oh, and the box! I tried and tried to find some kind of cool, vintage doctor's bag, but ended up just buying a clear toolbox. Everything fits nicely + stays organized, plus she can actually carry it around - which is nice because most of the bags I looked at were way too big for her to carry.

Here is the label I designed for the outside of her box:

It's pretty simple, a lot of fun, and much cheaper than most of the other doctor's kits I found. Sela loves trying to find our heartbeats, peer into our ears + throats with her penlight, and measure her baby dolls.

Do your kids play doctor? Do you think it's crazy I let my almost four year old play with a real blood pressure cuff? Have you seen any cute doctor kits around?

words for your weekend

2011-01-07T12:36:00.000-08:00

image via oh my darling. happy friday, friends! hope you have a great + restful weekend. see you next week. xoxoxo

fresh + bright

2011-01-05T20:43:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking about goals and plans and years past. I'm not really one to make New Year's resolutions as I'm not really one to follow through until the Spring when my mind and body start craving change and movement and action. My winter body just wants to eat lots of Nutella and take slow, yummy yoga classes, and my winter mind tends to thrive on quiet routines and fresh air. I also tend to try to cram all sorts of new good stuff into my life, usually at the expense of all the good stuff that is already here. I'm sloooowwly learning how to make room for the new things I want to add into my life by letting go of old habits/relationships/obligations/thought patterns that no longer serve me.

But there is something about 2011 that feels so shiny + new. Do you feel it too? I couldn't help but compile a small list of things I hope to achieve in this new year, along with the things I'm willing to let go of to make room for the good stuff. Here we go, kids...

- Create a healthier relationship with food
I want to kick the panicky, distracted 2:00ish snacking that leaves me feeling dissatisfied + headachy almost every day. I want to sit down and give my full attention to the food I'm eating + the people I'm eating with - no hurried handfuls of Swedish Fish devoured while sitting in front of my laptop and calling it lunch.

- Be more present in my relationships with my children
I waste a lot of time on the internet. There, I said it. Being home all day every day can get a little intense, especially in the long winter months, and I find myself using the internet to escape all the domestic craziness. But ignoring my kids while I check my email for the 20th time or getting lost in blogland doesn't make me feel refreshed or calm, it makes me feel detached from the real world + real people. I want to be completely unplugged until noon, with just a strong focus on my family + the day ahead. And I want to stop the obsessive email checking (please tell me I'm not the only person who does this?!?) and limit myself to checking it three times a day. oy. This one's going to hurt, I can feel it already.

I need to learn how to be in my life; fully engaged and active instead of constantly thinking ahead, already moving on to the next item on the never ending to-do list. I can't tell you how many times a week this quote from Anna Quindlen comes to mind:

"But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less."

I know there will be times when I can't be fully present, times when I need to step back and even step out for a while. I need to be really honest + clear with myself about when I've reached my limit and when I need extra help + support, and be wise enough to ask for it.

Childhood is too fleeting and far too important to miss because I was too busy checking my email, or worried about getting dinner on the table, or a myriad of other banal tasks that seem to fill up my day.

-Create a home that supports + nourishes my family
When my home is uncluttered, my mind is uncluttered. I want to purge our home of the things we don't need + find 2 new pieces that we absolutely love. I also want to want to clean more, if you know what I mean.

You can read a previous post about this topic here, and there are also three wonderful books that I recommend to every single person I know:

Home Is Where The Heart Is by Ilse Crawford
Sensual Home by Ilse Crawford
Apartment Therapy: The Eight-Step Home Cure by Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan

If I know you in real life, you are welcome to borrow these from me. I'd love to share!

-Stop complaining
This post really made me stop + think about the things I say. I've started to notice all the yucky negative feelings that come from complaining, and how I never really feel better after all is said and done. I want to think about what I'm saying before I speak, and I want my words to be honest, positive, and kind.

-Read 45 books
Just because it sounds fun. And because I really like Miss Sissy Jupe.

Wow, this felt like therapy. Is anyone still reading? If so, what are you thoughts on resolutions? Did you make any this year or do they just make you feel guilty?

image via enroute to forever.

a quilt for a sunshine girl

2011-01-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

Last November (as in 2009), I had a vision of two beautiful + bright quilts, hand quilted, of course, wrapped in thick red ribbon and carefully tucked under our tree just waiting for Christmas morning. I had big dreams + absolutely no experience in quilting. I spent all of November cutting + piecing + pinning + sewing, hours and hours were poured into these quilts before I realized that there was no way I could finish before Christmas. Carefully I folded them and stacked them neatly in my closet, vowing to finish them in January - maybe, just maybe in time for Valentine's Day.

Imagine my surprise when I found them this past November all pinned + ready for hand quilting! I spent most of November watching 50+ hours of Bones + Friday Night Lights (which i found surprisingly compelling, given that it's about high school football...) stitching away, and I managed to finish Sela's quilt 3 days before Christmas. Hooray!

And you know what? She loves it. Almost as much as she loves holding completely still + smiling RIGHT INTO THE CAMERA, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. She's a wiggly one, that sunshine girl.

the pattern I used was denise schmidt's flock of triangles. brooke has a great post about her daughter's flock of triangles quilt (with much better photos!) right here. i used this great tutorial for the binding, and found it incredibly helpful. i also want to try katie's 10 hour quilt sometime soon, it's so simple + beautiful.

favorite things giveaway: a winner

2010-12-27T21:59:00.000-08:00

And the winner is...Faye! Yay! I'll bring the package down sometime this week, but only if you promise me some stale gingersnaps, toaster waffles with orange marmalade, and a solid afternoon of petting cats + boat talk. Sound like a deal, Aunt Faye? xoxoxo

image via mary ruffle. how was your holiday weekend, friends? mine was really, truly great. so many sweet + magical moments that are still making me smile - sparkly eyes and little bodies in new jammies and dancing in the kitchen. all the important stuff, you know?

words for your weeked + a happy christmas to you

2010-12-23T10:22:00.000-08:00

"The best things in life are nearest: Breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you. Then do not grasp at stars, but do life's plain, common work as it comes, certain that daily duties and daily bread are the sweetest things in life."

-Robert Louis Stevenson

image via kelly. i truly hope you will enjoy the sweetest things in life this weekend, whatever that may be + mean to you. Happy Christmas, dear friends! See you soon. xoxoxo

holiday eats

2010-12-23T08:44:00.000-08:00

I have a few last gifts to package up this morning, and I thought I'd throw in some of this homemade granola from Sunday Suppers. I love this recipe. It's simple + quick to make, and so so delicious. I like to add a bit of vanilla to the honey + butter mixture and add dried blueberries when it has finished cooling. So yummy + perfect with greek yogurt + a banana if you're nursing a sugar sick tummy ache like me.

Next up, The World's Best Lasagna. And it is. So perfect for those chilly evenings when all you need is a little love in the form of cheese + carbs. The ultimate comfort food. and that sauce? mind blowing. absolutely mind blowing.

I didn't add the Italian sausage, though I can see how that would make it even better, and I use less ground beef because the good stuff is hard to come by around these parts + the packages of "happy" meat I have come in smaller portions. Sometimes I add baby portobellos to beef it up a bit. I also use fresh mozzarella + it makes all the difference.

So...what are you making?

diy star garlands

2010-12-22T11:16:00.000-08:00

I made these simple star garlands last week + I love how they turned out. My living room feels like an Anthropologie window display, only instead of cute, fancy clothes we are sporting a huge tie-dye t-shirt (Sela), no pants (Graham), and the world's most unflattering yoga pants (Brian, obviously. hehe).

I just took an old copy of Huckleberry Finn that was already falling apart, tore a bunch of the pages out, folded the pages in half + cut out 2 stars per page, and then fed them through my sewing machine to string them all together. Super easy, right?

They look incredibly magical at night when you can't see the strings connecting them together and you can see their shadows on our ceiling.

Here is how they look draped around our living room :

a few of my favorite things: a giveaway

2010-12-21T12:49:00.000-08:00

If you know me at all, you know I love presents and surprises and packages in the mail. I love pretty wrappings and handmade goodies and the small, ordinary pleasures of life. Lately, I've been taking note of all the simple, beautiful things I love most + have sloooowly pulled together a sweet little collection - a collection I would like to share with one of you.

Would you like a little package full of lovely surprises? If so, please leave a comment here before Friday, December 24th and I'll randomly choose one lucky recipient + announce the winner on Tuesday, December 28th.

Thank you for this funny community that we have created, for your sweet comments + hilarious emails. My heart is full when I think of how much goodness + kindness I have in my life, and I thank you for adding to that well of love + support.

I'll be popping in later this week, so be sure to check back, okay? Be safe + stay warm! xoxoxoxo

cheeky image via abbytrysagain. i can't really tell you what will be in the package, but i can promise something delicious to eat, something inspiring to read, and few handmade pretties thrown in for good measure. good luck! and i hope you win :)

words for your weekend

2010-12-17T07:32:00.000-08:00

"Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home."

-Edith Sitwell

image via the yellow door paperie. i can't believe christmas is just around the corner! i've been busily checking special surprises off of my list - i finished the jammies last night and FINALLY finished all of the hand quilting on sela's quilt earlier this week. those babies are truly a labor of love. i'm thinking of tucking a little heart on the inside just like this quilt here. so sweet. happy weekend, friends. and thank you for reading + supporting this little space. i have a little thank you lined up for next week, so be sure to check back. see you soon. xoxoxo

crossing things off our winter list : sugar cookies + doing something kind for someone else

2010-12-15T19:45:00.000-08:00

We made these pretties on Tuesday night after Sela's joy school play. I love using Angie's recipe from Blonde Designs for sugar cookies - they always turn out perfect. We were planning on bringing these around to some of Sela's friends, but every time I looked at her she had a frosting knife hanging out of her mouth. I'm pretty sure there's more slobber than frosting on these bad boys :)

And speaking of the play, Sela was assigned the part of a wiseman, which resulted in a heroic + lengthy pouting fit, but when I explained she could wear the biggest, gaudiest, rainbowy-est costume, she started counting down the minutes to show time.

There is absolutely nothing sweeter than watching little kids act out the Nativity - those borrowed bathrobes, towel turbans, and much-too-big mama slips get me every single time. I sat with my heart swelling and tears welling as my wisewoman gypsy babe taught me something about wonder and excitement and awe and magic and all of the good and necessary things that make Christmas mean something.

On a completely different + hilarious note, the kids performed their play for residents of a nursing home and you should have seen how terrified they were of those old people. Sela brought a card she had made for the nicest little old grandma you've ever seen. But when that old lady reached out to give Sela a hug, I felt Sela's entire body stiffen + I was sure her eyes were going to pop right out of her pretty little head. Sela wished her a quick + trembly 'Merry Christmas' and ran straight to the door. And then this morning she made me promise not to make her hug freaky ladies she doesn't even know, crazy mom.

hope your week is treating you well, lovies. i'll be seeing you tomorrow. xoxoxo

the polar express

2010-12-14T13:04:00.000-08:00

Hello, hello! How was your weekend? My weekend was filled with Polar Express craziness + a few much needed days to decompress from said craziness. I can't believe it is over. We spent almost 6 weeks sewing table runners, cutting kraft paper, making signs, designing posters + golden tickets, searching out pretty little bells, gluing a million ish doilies into snowflake garlands, and basically going completely insane.

I know you can't tell from the photos, but it turned out really pretty and the kids had a lot of fun. They loved riding on the "train" - although when the conductor (Brian) told the kids to close their eyes and use Christmas magic to help the train leave the station, Sela peered over at me and said in the loudest possible whisper ever, "Ummm...I don't think this is a real train, and it's NOT EVEN MOOOOVING!". She did, however, love the North Pole, twinkly lights, and brownies topped with melted marshmallows - so I think we're even :)

I'm sorry for the lack of photos, I was on my feet running the entire day + I ALWAYS forget my camera. Lucky for me, my sister-in-law took these (and scrubbed my floor on her hands and knees, watched a sad sad baby Graham, helped me make awesome signs for the North Pole, taped 200 feet of twinkly lights to make a pathway, let me sleep in her bed, and made me rethink communal/polygamist living. Seriously, don't you think having a sister wife would be sweet?), but unfortunately, not many worked out with the lack of natural light and the awkwardness of the venue. My first New Year's resolution is to learn some mad photography skills, or at least how to focus my camera - yeah, I'm that pathetic.

gift guide : for the most adorable little dude around who loves to cuddle up close and has the best belly laugh

2010-12-14T06:59:00.000-08:00

because i can't stop picturing how cute your chubby belly would look in that banker's vest :: this is the most awesome book ever

so we can take graham jams to a whole new level :: the funnest kids album out there and it's all for a super sweet cause :: are you kidding me with these blocks? genius.

finger puppets in pairs - perfect for the siblings who can't seem to share :: for the little boy who knows his animal sounds. i can't wait to hear what you think a xerus says...

words for your weekend

2010-12-10T07:07:00.000-08:00

image + quote via creature comforts. today is the day, my friends. the polar express party is here! i've been busy busy with last minute preparations and i'm pretty sure it's going to be awesome. i hope i can get some decent photos to share next week, but we all know how seriously lacking my photography skill are - sigh. anyway, i hope you can find a little magic this weekend + i'll see you next week!

a winter list

2010-12-08T23:18:00.000-08:00

-take the train downtown to see the lights
-make sugar cookies with the kids
-take time to be still
-finish the Sela + Graham's quilts
-take winter walks
-write new year's resolutions
- make lots of yummy soup + fresh bread (this is my favorite whole wheat recipe)
-light candles every evening
-sleep under the Christmas tree
-make homemade peppermint marshmallows
-make a big pot of fondue on New Year's Eve
-do something kind for someone else
-send Valentines
-host a Febgiving Feast
-make a snowman
-download Handel's Messiah
-start printing off + organizing our family photos (i love these kolo albums.)
-take Sela on a mother-daughter date to see Tangled

image by cerloz via joanna

advent calendars

2010-12-07T06:55:00.000-08:00

I love advent calendars. I love finding tiny packages tucked into pockets each day + planning small, festive activities to celebrate the season. For the past few years I have created a different calendar each year, but I think I want to find something a little more permanent - something that signifies the beginning of the Christmas season in our home and something the kids will associate with their childhood Christmas experiences when they are grown.

Here are a few that have been on my mind for the past few weeks:

the gorgeous tuuni linen calendar via bliss. burlap sack calendar + tiny packages calendar via oh happy day. felt tree calendar via inchmark. i think this one is especially sweet - i can't imagine how long it would take to stitch all of those tiny ornaments!

gift guide : for the not-so-little brother with break your heart baby blues and a killer voice.

2010-12-06T21:37:00.000-08:00

hello, man cardi :: a camera made for dreamers :: a little leather something to record your wanderings

this scratch off world map is just plain awesome :: jambox is smart, sleek, and packs a big sound

because college is just around the corner, baby :: a masculine apron so you can learn to cook just like dad :: and these sneaks are kickin'

p.s. This particular little brother is coming home from Portugal in TWO WEEKS! I can't wait to kiss his face, make fun of his accent, and introduce him to Glee - it's going to be awesome.

words for your weekend

2010-12-03T06:22:00.000-08:00

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

-Melodie Beattie

image via design mom. i searched + searched for this quote for last week, but couldn't find it anywhere. i'm happy to be able to share it with you today. how was your week, lovies? do you have any cozy + fun things planned for the weekend? i'm hoping to finish up a few projects for the big neighborhood party, meet some new peeps at melissa's thrift-a-thon, and pick up our couch (yay!). catch you on tuesday! xoxoxo

gift guide: for the pint-sized drama queen who dreams of hot air balloon houses + bubblegum

2010-12-02T10:03:00.000-08:00

because everyone needs a partner in crime :: glittery kicks to keep you running :: perfect fabric for twirly girly skirts when you refuse to wear pants of all kinds

oh, what rosy cheeks you have! :: pretty puzzle for a pretty girl :: i am rawther tired of searching for miss eloise at the library week after week

whooooo has the cutest backpack? you do, because we actually bought this! :: sweet dvds to help perfect your english accent :: for cuddling + late night whispers, juliette rabbit is just lovely.

Nickey-Kehoe

2010-12-01T19:40:00.000-08:00

Love this warm + comfortable home from Todd Nickey + Amy Kehoe of Nickey-Kehoe. If I remember correctly, this home was featured in Domino a few years back, maybe the home of Mark Ruffalo + Sunrise Coigney ? FYI, I didn't really know her name - totally googled it.

I think this is one of my favorite kids rooms of all time - love the stuff hanging all over.

via desire to inspire

gift guide: for the twenty-something yogini mama who is mad for bob dylan + vegetables

2010-11-30T16:27:00.000-08:00

so i can listen to wait! wait! while i do the dishes :: something to keep my babes close to my heart :: the perfect skinnies

i'll take anything from miss emerson :: mmm...I love a new scent :: a little something to help me remember the days when my littles were little

this leather tote looks like butter :: glittery + gray + gold :: hand painted calling cards + notecards? yes, please.

a bit behind

2010-11-29T19:38:00.000-08:00

Hello, hello! How was your Thanksgiving? Ours was good, even though I spent the whole week with a sniffly nose, scratchy throat, and pounding head - hence the lack of quality posts last week. I did, however, manage to make a delicious savory apple + onion tart for the big dinner, watch 2 1/2 seasons of Bones while stitching Sela's Christmas quilt (almost finished! and I'm pretty sure I made up for the two years I didn't watch t.v. with my Bones marathon. yikes.), found our missing camera (!!!) and watched as my kids ran into + fell off of every. single. thing. in our apartment.

Sigh. Here's hoping we make it to spring.

Anyway, I had lots of Thanksgiving-y posts stored away in my brain for last week, but my head was foggy + I just wasn't feeling it. Hope you don't mind if I share some of them with you this week - I kind of feel like I missed Thanksgiving this year + I really really dislike skipping holidays.

Hope you're all doing well + had a lovely + safe holiday.

beautiful song + video by sufjan stevens. come thou fount of every blessing has always been one of my favorite songs, it just makes my heart happy. enjoy!

words for your weekend + a grateful heart

2010-11-25T08:21:00.000-08:00

" A person should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day in order that wordly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul."

-Goethe

image via the lovely kelly. happy thanksgiving, friends! i hope your day is full of warm bellies, happy hearts, and the people dearest to you. thank you for visiting this funny little space and for your kind words, it means the world to me. see you on tuesday! xoxoxoxo

super mamika

2010-11-23T06:46:00.000-08:00

This series by French photographer Sasha Goldberger is adorable - Goldberger noticed his 91 year-old grandmother, Frederika was feeling a bit down + decided to cheer her up by having her pose as a super hero in a series of portraits.

Super Mamika looks awesome in spandex + I'm in love with her puppy side kick!

you can check out more images + the entire article here.

words for your weekend

2010-11-19T07:19:00.000-08:00

"Go for long walks, indulge in hot baths, question your assumptions, be kind to yourself, live for the moment, loosen up, scream, curse the world, count your blessings, just let go, just be."

-Carol Shields

cute + leggy image via audrey hepburn complex. how was your week, dearies? i had a pretty good one - i found vintage italian leather boots IN MY SIZE at a thrift store for 6 shmacks, spent some quality time with my bff (who also doubles as my sister-in-law, lucky me), and i started hand quilting a special christmas quilt for sela. my fingers are killing me! as for the weekend? i'm hoping for some chocolate covered gingerbread from the german bakery down the street, a killer yoga class, and watching my brother's play tomorrow night. happy weekending to you! see you soon. xoxoxox

neighborhood party inspiration

2010-11-18T12:51:00.000-08:00

I am on the planning committee for our neighborhood Christmas party this year + I've been brainstorming for weeks on possible decorations + fun activities for the kids. Our theme is Polar Express + we are (hopefully!) going to transform a hallway into a train, a foyer into a train station, half of a gymnasium into a cafe, and the other into the North Pole....yeah, I know. I'm going to be a busy lady for the next few weeks!

I love styling for the Little Winter market that took place a few weeks ago - Chelsea always does such an amazing job. I'm thinking of doing a similar look for the vintage train station + cafe. Lots of black + white gingham, touches of red, luminaries made out of kraft paper bags, and lots of fresh pine boughs. Hopefully I can gather a few lanterns + vintage suitcases to help round out the theme.

Here is the poster I designed for the activity:

We are also going to hand deliver tiny golden boarding passes to all of the families, and seal them with red wax Santa stamps! I'm really excited about this project + all of the possibilities with our theme. Here's hoping we can pull it all together in the next three weeks!

i love carbs

2010-11-18T08:01:00.000-08:00

Are you familiar with the greatness that is Smitten Kitchen? Deb is funny, has the cutest baby ever, and posts awesome recipes. I spend a lot of time drooling over her photos and wishing I had more butter on hand :)

I tried this recipe on Sunday + it was so delicious - a perfect comfort food for a chilly weekend.

thoughts on prettiness

2010-11-16T06:14:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about this post from A Dress a Day, specifically this quote:

"You Don't Have to Be Pretty. You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don't owe it to your mother, you don't owe it to your children, you don't owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked "female". "

Now, I love pretty. I love patterned tights + twirly dresses, shimmery lipgloss + shiny of all kinds, and I especially love anything with flowers printed all over. Anything. But, do you want to know what really stops me in my tracks? Women who feel comfortable + confident in their own skin. Women who create their own brand of strength, originality, kindness, humor, intelligence, and quirkiness and totally own it. Women who make 'pretty' too small a word for who + what they authentically are, deep down.

Renata is my muse for ageless beauty + becoming a woman of substance - isn't she stunning?

image via the sartorialist.

words for your weekend

2010-11-12T06:18:00.000-08:00

"If you are a dreamer, come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!"

-Shel Silverstein

image via oh haunted wood!. happy weekending, lovies. any big cozy plans for the chilly weekend ahead? i'm finishing up my yoga teacher training tomorrow + my heart is happy/a little sad. i really really love my yoga peeps! thanks for stopping in + reading, i love everything you've shared with me this week. you're the best. see you next week! xoxoxo

do what you love

2010-11-11T07:10:00.000-08:00

Have you seen this new series by Ryan of Pacing The Panic Room? I love everything this guy does - his creativity, drive, and vision blow me away, this project is no exception.

Here is what he says about the series:

"I will be profiling women from all over who have found a way to Do What They Love. I drew from the one thing that has inspired me the most, finding people that are living their lives on their own terms and truly doing what they love for a living, from artists, to teachers, to candlestick makers, anything that keeps a big smile on the face."

You can check out more of the awesome series here.

i know, i know, it's wednesday...

2010-11-10T09:15:00.000-08:00

but Brian just sent this photo to me and I died. That's all.

via the sartorialist. oh, and brian? I'm hoping this is you finally (!!!) giving me the go ahead to start dressing baby graham like christopher robin. pompom socks are first on my list. xoxoxo.

mindful eating in the 21st century

2010-11-08T20:18:00.000-08:00

I spent Saturday night watching + listening to this incredibly intelligent and powerful interview with Dan Barber of Blue Hill restaurants + Stone Barns. He speaks passionately about food, especially the farm-to-table movement he stands so firmly behind, and adds his voice to the chorus of those who believe the healthiest and most honest way of growing + producing food is also the most sustainable and delicious.

If you are interested in watching the interview (which I highly recommend!), you can right here. The video is a little over an hour, so you may want to plan ahead a bit.

I love being a part of this conversation, and spend a lot of time talking + reading about (+ making!) food. One of my dreams is to someday own a beautiful piece of land, learn mad organic gardening + farming skills, and cook simple meals for the people I love most...so basically everything Dan Barber does every single day. I think he's a superhero.

What are your thoughts on food? Do you spend your summer + fall Saturdays at a local farmer's market? Do you grow your own food?

all images from the blue hill website. are you interested in reading more about food? Here are a few of my favorite reads + documentaries that are all about honest food + sustainable farming:

Books

Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life

Michael Pollan's In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto

Alice Waters' The Art of Simple Food

Jamie Oliver's Jamie at Home: Cook Your Way to the Good Life

Documentaries (Both can be found on Netflix)

Food Inc. I think every single person in the United States should watch this documentary, it is life changing.

No Impact Man

words for your weekend

2010-11-05T06:21:00.000-07:00

"The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest."

-Thomas Moore

cozy image via a ribbon at a time. hey, hey! it's the weekend! any big plans? i'm hoping to squeeze in some yummy yoga, an antique fair, + an 80th birthday party. next week i have a few projects i'm excited to share with you, so make sure to stop by! have a good one, dearies! xo.

hair crisis

2010-11-04T13:21:00.000-07:00

I'm have a bit of a hair crisis these days. I've been ever so patiently growing out the sleek, shorty short cut I've had for the past few years into (what I hope!) will be gorgeous, messy, long, perfectly imperfect waves. But, I am reaching a breaking point, my friends. My hair is just below my shoulders and I've been sporting a flippy Jennifer Aniston circa 1996 hair style for the past few months, and I. JUST. CAN'T. TAKE. IT. ANYMORE.

Promise me the ugly is almost over? Please? Okay, fine...I'll just keep looking for gorgeous photos of gorgeous dream hair + hope they are enough motivation to help me stick it out.

all images spotted on my favorite spots, kelly, mary ruffle, and audrey hepburn complex.

rifle paper co.

2010-11-04T07:06:00.000-07:00

Are you familiar with Rifle Paper Co.? Anna Bond is such a talented illustrator - aren't her folk art-inspired designs charming? Even though I'm not in need of a gorgeous hand painted wedding invite, there are still plenty of her pretty goods that made my Christmas list this year:

Floral Monogram Cards with an 'R', of course.

This Heirloom Recipe Card Box for old (and new!) family recipes.

Any or all of these sweet fill-in party invitations!

And finally, this print duo for a very special little girl who tends to be bit grumpy, incredibly dramatic, and whose favorite color is definitely yellow.

all images from the rifle paper co. shop + blog.

sara hicks malone home tour

2010-11-02T13:47:00.000-07:00

I love this home tour on Decor8 from last week; Sara Hicks Malone is so talented + sweet, her entire interview is honest + fun to read. I love homes that are comfortable, clean, and colorful, and her home is all three!

halloween 2010

2010-11-01T20:29:00.000-07:00

I love Halloween. With the themed costumes + dry leaves blowing across the sidewalks + too much sugar + lipstick on little girls + dark chilly nights + painted faces + glowy jack-o-lanterns + the enthusiastic TRICK-OR-TREAT! choruses + hand-me-down costumes that are just a little too big or too squished or too worn. I love it. All of it.

This year was no different. We made paper pumpkins for the front windows + bats for the walls. We made homemade donuts + soup with yeasty rolls + took long fall walks. We carefully planned our costumes (Goldilocks and the Three Bears, after Sela's favorite bedtime story), + I spent the entire month of October sewing + collecting a red gingham apron, funny hats, snowy white eyelet, + bright red tights. Everything finally came together just in time, including the tiny white buttons quickly stitched on the night before.

And then it's an hour before go time + Graham pukes everywhere. Quickly I put all my visions of family themed cuteness far far away + try not to let my disappointment show as I help Sela into her special blue dress + button her pinafore. We wave good-bye to Graham and Brian as we head out into the freezing rainy night and make it exactly 2 houses before Sela starts clutching her stomach + crying tummy ache. Sigh. Warm jammies, comfy beds, and early bedtimes for everyone. Happy Halloween, sicky heads.

Although it wasn't exactly what I had envisioned (is it ever exactly what we envision?), it was a good time. My kids ended up with plenty of candy + we are still reeeeeeeling from the sugar high. I'm pretty sure it's making us all a little crazy, case in point:

So...how were your Halloween adventures? Pictures, links, super cute costumes I have to see? Send them my way, dearies, I would love to take a peek.

all of the sweet photos were taken by my mama. sela's dress + pinafore made by me (with lots of help from my incredibly patient sewing teacher, margaret). and that peter pan collar? probably my greatest achievement of the year. graham's hat was purchased from our local grocery store, which randomly had a bunch of really cute animal hats hanging on an end cap. baby graham's costume was going to be a little more bear-ish, but i ran out of time. the overalls are cute though, right? see you on thursday, friends! xo.