hello, world...

Graham Emery Swan was born at home on July 17th. He weighed 8 lbs.(!!!) and was 20 inches long. His birth was absolutely beautiful. Fast, peaceful, gentle, and in my very own bathtub. He is quiet, sleepy, and incredibly curious. We love him to the moon-y moon moon(as Sela would say).

This little guy has changed every aspect of our life so far and we are still trying to find our footing. The adjustment has been the hardest for Sela, and my heart broke 100 times a day for the first few weeks as I watched her struggle with her new world. She would look at me like I was a traitor, her eyes quietly saying, "remember when you said you loved me the most? remember when you rocked me and kissed me and every second of every day was spent building a special little place in the world for just you and me?" I would cry and hold my beautiful daughter, so sorry that this is so hard to understand, so sorry she had to accept a new place in our family, and so sorry that things would never ever be the same.

But we are working it out. Everyday is getting a little better, easier.

The other evening as I watched Graham snoozing on Brian's chest, curled up and content, and my naked 2 year old running around my disaster of living room with her imaginary friends, Lilo and Stitch, I couldn't believe how much I love this messy, crazy life. Even with leaky boobs and this stretched out, exhausted body, I am happy.

How lucky we are to open our bodies, hearts, and lives just a little more, and surrender to change and the temporary insanty, all for the sake of love.

p.s. a few of you have asked about the new blog, For The Littles. It's mostly just to help me remember what I want to get the kiddos for Christmas and the like. You're welcome to take a peek, but I can't promise that it will be exciting or regularly updated.


Emily said...

so, so beautiful. congratulations.

Tawny said...

Congrats Rachel, you have such an amazing spirit that you share with those little one!! He is so sweet and they are both so lucky to have you as Mom. Sending love your way!!

Abby said...

What a beautiful family you have Rachel, Congratulations! It's lovely to read such an honest and heartfelt post, all the best.

julieeee said...

Rachel. Sherry Cope's sister here. I have a question regarding your natural birth. I am due with my second baby the end of September. I have a wonderful midwife and will be delivering in the hospital.
Did you use hypnobirthing or any other method during labor?
I have looked into home birth but decided this time to deliver in the hospital. We will see what the future holds...
Please let me know what helped you during your baby's birth. It sounds like you had a fantastic experience.

p.s. Did you decide to move to Salem, Oregon to pursue school?